Sorry, You Must’ve Misread “Wait” When You Sat Yourself.
Restaurant staff learn to bite their tongue pretty early on. A customer can either inspire your love of hospitality or make you want to throw their "over-cooked" pie in their face. People express different behaviors when they dine out and they're exposed as soon as they sit down. Written by a seasoned restaurant server, here are the types of customers we wish would order takeout instead and the guests we want at our tables forever.
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1. The Complainer
You can see their frown from the moment they walk through the door. They’re probably a table-hopper too and complained to the host that there’s a draft at their table. They’re unsatisfied with everything, from the menu options to the prices. They argue with the server as if it were their fault the soup was too salty after the guest added more. They sent back their steak because it wasn't cooked medium-to-medium-rare.
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2. The Bargain Hunter
They start with the question, “Do you have any specials?” They probably arrived at 4 pm hoping for Happy Hour. Every question has to do with the price. They find a way to build a meal from side orders and ask for hot water with lemon. In a group they’re bill-splitters–– you know the shared apps will be equally split on individual bills. They stuff the sugar packets in their purse.
3. The Meal Marshal
He’s likely a Corporate Bro–– a loud talker wearing a suit and you can smell his pride from the kitchen. He orders for everyone at the table. He answers the questions the server directs to another member of his party. He answers his phone at the table so everyone can hear his important business call.
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4. The Opposite Of Helicopter Parent
These parents treat the restaurant like daycare and the server becomes responsible for the safety of their guests’ children. There’s more food on the floor than on their plates. The toddler ran behind the bar three times and almost got hit by the swinging kitchen door. The kids crayoned the tabletop instead of the coloring sheet and the water glasses are made into a magic potion with food scraps.
5. The Foodie Expert
The self-assigned food critic who needs to discuss and dissect every dish on the menu. They want to talk to the chef to discuss their shared love of cooking using their best culinary terminology. They name-drop fancy restaurants they’ve dined at and how they know the manager.
6. The Menu Alterer
They’re either a picky eater, a health enthusiast, or allergic to everything under the sun. They basically build their own meal and rewrite the menu. They replace this with that and add this and take away that. They come with a long list of allergens that terrify the server. They most definitely ask for gluten-free options and the list of ingredients in every sauce.
7. The Order Changer
This person can’t make up their mind after reading the menu three times and they haven’t looked at the cocktail list yet. The indecisive individual asks the server to make choices for them. They ask questions about every dish and how they compare. Their order was sent to the kitchen ten minutes ago but they’re going to change it back to that other dish instead.
8. The Nice Bad Tipper
These people are super nice and friendly for the entire service. The server goes the extra mile to treat them well and it feels like they’ve become best friends. It doesn’t matter that the server spent quality time chatting with them and gave them free drinks, they left a terrible tip. They might be from overseas or unaware of tipping policies but they’re too nice to tell them.
9. The Lonely Creeper
The guy that awkwardly sits by himself and stares down every server walking by. He holds eye contact for too long and talks quietly so the server has to lean in closer to hear his order. He makes inappropriate gestures and remarks that bring out the server’s nervous fake laugh. He leaves his number on the bill along with his signature.
10. The Impatient Waver
They probably sat themselves at a dirty table too. They’re the time wasters that need to be looked after every few minutes. They frantically wave every time they want a server’s attention. They’re oblivious to other guests at the restaurant and think they’re having a private party. They order from any staff member walking by and don’t realize they’ve been assigned one server.
May we speak with manager?–– We're not complaining anymore, we've got 5-star reviews to give! Now that we've got that out of our system, let's talk about those customers that we want at our table.
1. The Friendly Family
By the end of their meal, the server wants to become one of their adopted children. The parents apologize for the tiny spill their toddler made and clean it up themselves. They laugh together, share appetizers, and involve their server with inside jokes. A picture of this family at dinner should be an advertisement for the restaurant.
2. The First Date Couple
They’re trying to impress each other so they’re on their best behavior. The couple are extra polite to their server and seem to be happy with everything. Conversation might feel a little awkward sometimes so the server becomes their superhero when they check in on them. Whoever pays leaves a generous tip to show what a caring partner they’d make.
3. The Big Spenders
Another round, please! They order a lot without a glimpse at the prices. They’re in great spirits because they’re celebrating or out for a work dinner that they can expense. They order cocktails to start and bottles of wine with dinner. They have three-course meals and it’s all on one bill.
4. The Plate Stackers
They’re the generous folks who love to help other people out. They prefer a clean and tidy table so they never leave a mess. They stack everyone’s plate so the server knows they’re finished and can take away the dishes in one go.
5. The Industry Workers
Fellow industry friends are usually the best customers. They understand the pains so they make everything as easy as possible. They order quickly and decisively and know when it’s a good time to ask for another round. They often over-tip because they know their server will return the favor. They can be treated like family.
6. The Easy-Goers
These customers are as chill as cucumbers. Their drinks took forever to arrive and their soup was cold but nothing bothers them. They treat their server like a fellow human being and understand everything isn’t within their control. They wait patiently for their turn to order when the restaurant is busy and don’t complain about the wait.
7. The Restaurant Camp Counselor
The leader of the large group who has everything organized. They usually talk to the server before everyone arrives and become their assistant throughout the service. They pay for the bill at the end or inform their server about who is taking separate checks.
8. The Cheeky Grandparents
This elderly couple has dined many times before. They like to have a good time and crack jokes with their server. They laugh when their server asks if they want a glass or a bottle because of course they’ll have more than one glass of wine.
9. The Decision Makers
These people are efficient. They’re probably on their lunch break and have to get back to work. They immediately look at the menu and order within five minutes. They order their drinks and their meal at the same time. There’s no fuss or changing of menu items. They’re out within the hour.
10. The Good Regulars
The good regulars are the locals who dine in their favorite spot frequently. They know all the staff by name and servers fight over serving them. They’ll probably have “their usual” and the bartender has their drink made for them before they sit down.
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