Fibbers From Around The World Share The Small Lies They Told That Snowballed Out Of Control

Fibbers From Around The World Share The Small Lies They Told That Snowballed Out Of Control

Whether we care to admit it or not, everyone lies. If you’re like most people with a decent moral compass, it’s probably not an everyday occurrence for you — and it's likely not anything too major. Little white lies that spare feelings or deflect blame are simply a part of life.

Unfortunately, what starts out as a small fib can quickly spiral out of control, which is exactly what happened to the people in the stories below.


60. Bad For The Dog, Worse For The Dad

Once when I was around 6 or 7 my mom brought home some delicious chocolate and gave some to me. I loved the stuff and stole the bar that she had saved for my step-dad. He comes home and my mom can't find the chocolate. She asks me what happened to it, I blame the Duncan (our dog) knowing that he often eats things off the counter (I didn't know at the time that chocolate was toxic for dogs).

My mom goes terribly pale and rushes Duncan to the vet, and he has to throw up. I felt terrible about this as I thought it was because he stole the chocolate and was some form of punishment.

The next day she brings home more chocolate. Nobody told me that it was for Duncan's own good that he was taken to the vet. So feeling bad for doing this to Duncan, I give him my chocolate this time thinking he deserved it after taking one for the team last time. Later that night my mom asks me how the chocolate was, this time I decided to tell the full truth and explained that I gave the chocolate to Duncan this time as I felt bad for getting him in trouble the first time.

So another late-night trip to the vet, and I finally was told that chocolate is toxic for dogs. Duncan was fine in the end, and for the rest of his life, I snuck him meat and other things that would not kill him.

Now the twist is that the very expensive vet trips cost a lot of money, which prompted my mom to take a look at our expenses. She found that the then step-dad was hiding an affair, and then got a divorce.

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59. At Least You're A Job Creator

My first year walking to school alone was the 7th grade and I was late a lot. It got to a point that the teacher told me I would have to do all the day's chores (putting chairs down in the morning, wiping boards clean, cleaning after lunch, etc) if I was late again.

Well, the next day I was running late as usual. Being a lazy sob, I knew I had to do something to get out of doing the daily chores. So when the teacher asked me why I was late, I thought back on the assembly we had a few weeks prior on school safety. So I told the teacher that a strange man pulled up to me when I was coming into school grounds and asked me to come with him to see some puppies.

I honestly thought that would be a good enough excuse and it would be the end of it. Yeah, nope. School was suspended for the rest of the day, police were called, my parents were called in. And I was interviewed for the entire day. I had to describe the man, the car, everything. They ended up hiring a security officer for the grounds because of that incident and put in a few new cameras. We had monthly school assemblies because of it too.

And it was all for nothing. Because less than a week later I was late again and had to do all the daily chores.

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58. Put Yourself In A Jam

During my undergrad, I took a number of business courses. During one of these courses, we were learning about a small company that produced high-end jams. The prof asked the class what we thought of high-end jam as a business. I said that it was a stupid idea, why would I pay $20 for a bottle of jam when I could make it myself?

I meant that as a rhetorical question but apparently my prof took me literally. When I was packing up at the end of class, the prof came over to me and started asking me all sorts of questions about jam making. So I rolled with it. I lied and told him how my grandmother taught me how to make jam, when the right time to pick the berries was to ensure optimal jam, etc.

I don't know how to make jam. I had no idea what I was saying but the prof bought it. We became buds. After every class, we would chat, mostly about jam.

He wrote my reference letter to get into my competitive undergrad program and again when I applied for my masters. I owe most of my academic career to jam.

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57. Happy Unbirthday

In college, the girls in the apartment downstairs asked my roommate and me if we'd like to join them at a concert a month away. Neither of us wanted to, and my quick thinking roommate said that date is my birthday (it wasn't) and we have other plans.

They ended up not going to the concert, and we had forgotten about it -- but on that date, they called me downstairs to help them move something. I walked in the door, and "Surprise!!" A birthday party for me with about 15 people there. My roommate was just as surprised.

I couldn't tell them the truth and just went with it. I even got a couple of small gifts. I always felt guilty about it.

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56. You're Literally Fake News

I was at a job fair against my will. I was trying to steal a pen so I could retire to a dark corner and doodle while everyone else did their thing.

The lady caught me taking a pen, and I had to act interested in her sales pitch. Then a news reporter showed up.
Before I knew it, I was in national papers as a general human interest story as a turnaround miracle story, of how I'd come all the way from the barren plains of another country far away while kicking mental illness and addiction, and now wanted to become a nurse.

I don't, nor have I ever, wanted to be a nurse, but that interview sure snowballed all out of proportion. All I wanted was a free pen. It's been ten years and people are still asking how the nursing career is going.

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55. Beautiful Friendship, Ugly Lie

I walked in on my friend finishing a conversation on her phone. She looked at me, petrified, and asked if I heard everything. I told her with a defeated face yes. She starts crying and leans on me l, telling me she is so afraid and doesn't know what to do. I did this initially as a joke, but obviously I'm in deep water now so I just tell her everything will be fine and to call me whenever she needed me.

Turns out she had got pregnant and asked me to go to a clinic with her. Her boyfriend scrammed. We are best of friends now.

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54. Not My Baby!

When I was about 13 I called a little boy ugly. At the time, my mom's best friend was driving me home from school. Of course, she told my mother what I said, and my mom asked me to not say things like that. I told her I didn't call anyone ugly. It was a little lie (at first I didn't know what she was talking about), and it became this big whole ordeal about "my kid would never lie to me" and "why would I lie about this." They were best friends and they no longer speak because of this. All three of us were dumb and immature.

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53. Take A Knee

When I was little, maybe 6 or 7 years old, and I was playing with my cousin. He was/is my best friend, even if we have grown apart in the last few years.

Anyway, I told him if he jumps out of the tree onto the trampoline, he can get into the club. He jumped and jarred his knee. He screamed like he'd lost his leg. There was no club. There was no entry test.

The injury acts up to this day. It affected him when he was playing football (he had to give it up), it affected him when he joined the army and again when he became a cop. I'm worried one day he dies because of that knee and I'll blame myself for it.

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52. Stranger Danger

Once when I was really young (maybe 6 or 7), my family was out for pizza and I told them when I was off alone that a man had asked me to come out to his van for candy. I have no idea why I did it, I'm sure I was just parroting something I heard in one of those Stranger Danger videos, but I threw it out there thinking people would be impressed I said no or something.

Well, all of a sudden there are police everywhere, the whole pizza place is basically evacuated, the police are grilling me about what he looked like and I'm making up a description on the spot (something like blonde hair, green plaid shirt, etc.). Well a few minutes later the police come out with a guy who looks exactly like the description I gave, and I quickly told them that it wasn't him (thank god I didn't ruin that poor man's life).

After all that, I thought it was done, but I got SO many cards, and balloons and toys from relatives, family friends, teachers, there was a writeup in the local newspaper, etc. It blew up into this HUGE deal. For a really long time I never told anyone, and for some reason a few years ago (in my late teens, early 20's) I remembered this incident and felt super guilty about it, so I called my mom out of the blue to explain that I made it all up.

I'll still never forget her reaction: "Huh. That's a weird thing to lie about."

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51. The Easter Blues

When my sister and I were kids, I told her the Easter Bunny came through the drain. I thought it was cute, and since Santa came through the chimney I couldn't think of any other routes into the house. She cried for HOURS. Easter became the most miserable holiday for years until we grew up and she realized what an idiot I am.

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50. All Over Some Loose Change

When I was younger at a birthday party, a girl asked me for a quarter to call home for her dad to come to get her. I told her that I didn't have one and she got a ride home from another parent.

Later, I heard that when she got home, she found ambulances around her house because her father had died falling out of a tree doing yard work. I kept imagining that if I had given her the quarter, her dad would have come to get her instead of continuing yard work. If I had given her a quarter, maybe she would still have a father.

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49. From Worst Enemy To Best Man

Once when I was a kid I invited a kid that I bullied horribly over to my house for a sleepover because I was told I had to do something nice for someone I hurt by our priest during confession (I went to a catholic school).

The next day after a pretty boring night we were playing in the snow banks and I lied telling him my foot was stuck and I couldn't get it out. He ran well over a mile back to my house to get my mom to "save" me...

Well, that kind of woke me up and made me realize "this kid isn't that bad." After that day I never bullied anyone again, and 20 years later that turd that I bullied so terribly is still my best friend, was the best man at my wedding, and the godfather of my first child.

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48. That Poor Momma Bird

When I was seven or eight my friend and I was playing underneath her deck. They had a rickety pool ladder that was meant to let you get into their aboveground pool. We were just chilling, playing with invisible dogs or something, when we looked up and noticed some twigs sticking out from the rafters on the underside of the deck.

The big red "animal" light started flashing in our heads, and she held the ladder still while I climbed up it. We found a robin's nest with four eggs in it and I can still remember to this day what they looked like. I've always liked the color.

Being little and stupid, we pulled the nest down and went to go show my mom. My mom opened the door, saw the nest, and immediately said, "where did you guys get this?"

Being little and stupid, I immediately said, "We found it on the ground near the pool."

My mom was angry, but I didn't understand why. She said something about the momma bird not wanting the eggs anymore and called my dad down. He looked annoyed, but took the nest from us and walked down the driveway, across the street, and stood under the deck asking us where we found it. Sticking to our story, we showed him the ground underneath the rafters. There.

So he grabs the pool ladder and starts to climb up, and I don't really remember this part at all. But what I do know is the ladder broke, he fell, and everything else that happened is just kind of gone from my head.

What I do know is this: he absolutely shattered his ankle. He had to be out of work for a long time, had surgeries, and on top of it all, the accident forced him to leave the rescue squad he had been a part of since like, college. The rescue squad that is the only reason he ever met my mother. He says he left because of my little brother being a year or two before but I am like, 90% sure that was not it.

Three of the eggs broke, and I can still see them shattered on the patio ground.

Maybe it's not a big deal to anyone else here, but I literally still feel guilty about it and it was close to two decades ago. I made my dad give up his literally life-saving pastime, caused him recurring pain for the rest of his life, all because I couldn't keep my hands off of a stupid bird's nest.

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47. Dead And Gone

Not sure if this counts as a lie, but I convinced my sister that the word "dead" meant "gone".

My little sister is 16 years younger than me. When she started talking, every time someone would leave the room, I'd say "X dead", like "Mummy dead". Eventually, she believed that the word "dead" meant "gone", and she started to use it herself. Needless to say, my mother wasn't very happy, but we all found it kind of funny, to be honest, and when you laugh at something a child does, they do it again and again.

She got to about two and a half years old, and my mum dropped her off at nursery. Up until this point, for whatever reason, she'd never said it outside the house. So in the middle of the day, when she said "Mummy dead", the care workers at the nursery freaked the heck out. They tried to ring my mum, but she is notoriously terrible with phones and so didn't answer. She's also quite often late.

The workers at the nursery were apparently just about to ring the police when my mum finally showed up. She had to explain what her big brother had done. I was practically crying with laughter when I was told what happened.

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46. The Fire Drill

I was the one who got lied to.

Being the youngest sibling I was always getting razzed. So one time they told me as I was starting school to look out for the fire drill. I had never been in school so I asked what it was. "You will hear a loud bell that warns children when this man comes to the school and attacks with a drill that's on fire and tries to drill into the kid's brains!"

So a few weeks into school there is a fire drill, so I take off screaming like crazy hoping to survive running as far away from the school as I could. My mom was not too happy with my siblings when she got the call from our school telling her I was gone.

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45. Crunchy Versus Creamy

When I first got married back in 2005, my wife asked me if I like creamy peanut butter. I knew she did, so I told her, "yeah that's great!" She buys creamy peanut butter, I buy creamy peanut butter.

About three years ago, she's doing some experiment or something with our daughter and she needed chunky peanut butter. I saw it in the pantry and exclaim, "Oh, chunky peanut butter, I love this stuff!" To which she responds "...You do? I've been buying creamy peanut butter all these years because you told me that was your favorite."

Long story short, it turns out we both prefer chunky peanut butter by a large margin, but had been buying creamy for 10 years because we both thought it was what the other preferred.

Honesty is important, folks.



44. Dentist Denial

I moved to a new city, and got a new dentist. For some reason, the guy thinks I used to see him at his old practice in a town I've never lived in. I corrected him a couple of times, but he just keeps bringing it up, so now I just kind of roll with it. He asks after my parents, which is easy enough... but we've had all kinds of conversations about local restaurants I've never been to and other random stuff like that.


43. Half-Liver Man

Wasn't a partier in high school, so to shut down peer pressure I told them I was born with half a liver and drinking anything could make me very sick or kill me.

The lie just became natural and followed me to college. One night, when I was out with some friends playing pool I decided to have a beverage. When I came back, a buddy slapped it out of my hand thinking I was suicidal. Then the explanations began...

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42. Not-So-Happy Birthday

A new coworker of mine tried downplaying his birthday. Eventually, after me hounding him about why he didn't like celebrating, he told me in confidence that his best friend was killed on his birthday and he hates thinking about it.

Fast-forward eight years, this guy and I had become really good friends. Best friends. Lived together at one point. He was accepted into my friend group and I always made sure to downplay his birthday (his is four days after another friend) so we just did a group thing and never made a big deal about it. Finally someone got brave enough and wanted to talk to him about it, and he laughed and had no recollection of telling me that. He said he was probably just screwing with me. He always wondered why no one wished him happy birthday.


41. Conversations Over Coffee

So I'm a visiting nurse and started seeing a patient three days a week for wound care. He was a paraplegic and didn't get out much or have many visitors. He offered me a cup of coffee one morning, but I didn't know him very well and was uneasy about drinking something out of an unknown person's kitchen. Plus, we are really not supposed to. But I could tell he just needed a little company.

I told him I drink it black to keep it simple, never planning to have another cup. Next day, I come in and notice a little sticky note on his counter that said: "Remember to make a fresh pot of coffee for Rachael." It was so touching to me that I went early every single appointment from that day forward to have a cup of black coffee.

I hate black coffee, but I felt it was too late to tell him I liked creamer after all. I drank black coffee with him for 3.5 years and he became a good friend until he passed away.


40. The Wrong Role

"You're here for the copywriting position, right?"


I was the only one in the waiting area... thought I was there for a design/art direction role. Within 15 minutes of the interview, they offered me $2,000 to move and $45,000 starting salary a week before graduation.


39. Manifesting What You Want

I was having a rough time commuting too far for work for a few months. I decided to quit to find something closer to home, but told everyone I had been approved to work from home. When I went to give my two weeks, my manager asked, "I know the driving has been killing you, how would you feel about working from home?"

I've been working at home since then. I have my work laptop to my left and I'm watching Great British Masterclass as I type this.

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38. Mailman With Manners

Not me but my dad. We moved and he was convinced the postman's name was "Ger" -- as in short for Gerry. He greeted him by that name nearly every day for about 10 years. We even gave him a Christmas card which he displayed down in the sorting office.

This came to an end when we had a temporary postman. One day, my mom asked him, "When is Ger coming back?" This was met with stunned silence and a puzzled look, with a resounding, "Who is Ger? No one works in the locality by that name."

Turns out his name is Declan and he was too nice to correct my dad for close to a decade.

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37. The Fake Fireman

I became friends with one of the managers at Panera. One day, as I was giving a cashier my order, he told her to give me the same discount as they give to firemen, police, and paramedics, I think. He just chose this discount as it was an easy button to push on the register. Well, this cashier really thought I was a fireman. I'm not.

So for the next two years, this cashier gave me the discount. Even if she wasn't serving me, she would go out of her way to tell the cashier that was helping me, "He's a fireman, give him the discount." It snowballed into such an awkward situation that I didn't know how to get out of it. Luckily, that cashier eventually transferred to another store and I now happily pay full price.


36. Makeshift DJ

I've been making electronic dance music since I was 13, and in my senior year of high school I had the opportunity to play some of my music live with Ableton for my classmates at an event. But because I couldn't explain what I was doing in the space provided on the sign-up sheet I just put down "DJ", thinking that nobody would be knowledgeable enough to know the difference.

Apparently, everybody liked it so much that the prom committee asked me to DJ prom, and like an idiot, I said yes. I waited for my birthday and made sure that nobody got me any gifts, just money, which I spent on software and a Mixtrack Pro. I learned how to DJ in three months, did prom, got paid $250. I'm making decent money off of gigs now, and I do the prom every year.


35. Unwanted Gender Reveal

My significant other and I decided with baby #2 that we wanted to find out the gender, but not share it with the world. With baby #1, we didn't want to know and people were really pushy about the subject. So this time, we found out and didn't want to be that obnoxious, "oh we know but we aren't telling" couple, so we agreed that we'd say the ultrasound is inconclusive.

Because insurance won't cover another ultrasound in this pregnancy, I thought we were safe. My friends chipped in, and set up a 3D/4D ultrasound, and took me without me knowing what was going on so they could later surprise me with a gender reveal at the baby shower that I didn't need or want.

Now I have to deal with pretending to be surprised. And the annoyance of everyone knowing when I didn't want that in the first place... Especially other people knowing before my parents.


34. Too Chicken For The Truth

When I was little, my grandma would make me these horrible frozen chicken tenders filled with cheese. They were just god-awful. Because I am a good grandson, I told her that I loved them. From then on, every time that I visited her, she would cook me those abominations. Even when I was in graduate school, I would go visit her and for one meal, I would have to slide those gross things down my gullet.

Every time I would say, "Thanks! I love them!" The things we do for love...


33. What The Duck

I told my parents I bought a duck when I was 20 to tease them. I found a picture online of one and sent it to them. Sadly, they believed me. They got overly excited about their "grand-duck" and told my whole family. I ended up buying a duck...


32. Controlling The Debate

My mother was a super control freak, so one of the ways I would avoid home was after school extracurriculars. I got the date wrong on a math team meeting, so I lied to my mom about it while actually attending the debate team intro meeting. I probably didn't need to lie, but it was always safer to not disrupt her precious schedule. Eventually, debate became a regular activity for me to avoid home.

In three years, I was a state semifinalist, and in college I coached the high school national champions and turned that into a free ride for a masters degree.

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31. Defining The Relationship

My first relationship. A few days in, my girlfriend tells me she isn't ready to go public just yet and if we could pretend we weren't together for a few more days, she would be ready then. Six months later, I had lied to so many people for her I can't tell what's real anymore and anytime I asked her if we could stop because it was messing with me she refused and argued her way out of it. Looking back on this screws with my head to this day. Amazing how much things like that can snowball.


30. False History

I started dating this girl in college. I was really into her, but she said on our fourth date or so that she was looking for someone serious who had relationships in the past. In reality, I had none, nothing for more than a week at the time. So, of course, I made up two crazy stories about long and miserable relationships I had (just borrowed experiences my friends had shared with me basically). Somehow the subject never came up when she met my friends and family.

Fast-forward four years: we are married with twin boys and I still can't tell her the truth. I feel she would freak if she found out, so I just keep it to myself. No one knows. I'm pretty sure she will be okay with it and laugh at me for hiding it for so long, but still, I am dreading the thought of telling her the truth.


29. Mediocre-Smelling Soap

Once, my boyfriend's mom asked me if I liked their bathroom soap. It’s lavender, which I dislike. But I decided to tell her, “I love it, it smells so good!”

Now I have an endless supply. She buys it for me all the time. I'm too sweet to tell her the truth, so I just keep it to myself and use the mediocre-smelling soap.

Oh well, this is how I live now.

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28. Ghosting Graduation Day

Living in a college town, every year around spring graduation there's one or two "I'm here to see my kid graduate, but I haven't been able to locate them" families. Usually, these are kids that stopped going, pocketed their parents' money, and/or just gave up and couldn't handle telling the family.

It ends sadly sometimes.

That's a big lie/deception to deal with and maintain. It almost always comes to a head.


27. Keeping It Kosher

Somebody thought I was Jewish and I didn't want to correct them because I hate confrontation. So now everyone in the school thinks I'm Jewish and my homeroom got me a Passover card signed by everyone. My brain told me it was time to stop but I didn't want to ruin the gesture.


26. A Basic Explanation

During my third semester of college, I spent most of my time at the bar. Stopped going to class after about three or four weeks, withdrew from school and told all my teachers I had mono. I partied away my savings. My parents were paying for my living expenses. Then I enlisted in the military.

My plan worked like charm. By the time my mom realized I had no savings left, I was in basic. When she asked, I acted super distraught about not knowing what had happened to my money and how hard basic was. She never mentioned it again. Parents still have no idea I dropped out of school. Its been 20+ years. I have my Masters now.


25. Skating By

I moved to a new city when I was in 6th grade. On the same day I started school, there were two other new boys who both knew how to skateboard, so I lied and said I did too. Then for months, I lied about being able to skateboard to them and other kids at the school, and I never came clean because I didn't want anyone to call me a poser. So I bought skater boy clothes and a skateboard and learned how to skateboard because I lied about knowing how to skateboard. I've been skating since then. I'm 27 now.


24. No Kidding

Told my then-girlfriend that I'd like to have kids someday.

I didn't actually want to, but she was hot and I thought saying that was a good idea at the time.

Now she's my wife and we have a 1-year-old.

No regrets, though. Being a dad is pretty awesome.


23. Lying For Love

My grandfather met my grandmother in Chihuahua, Mexico when she was 17 and he was 19. My grandmother refused to go on a date with my grandpa. One day, my rejected grandfather asked my grandmother again and she said, "No, it's my birthday." So he began this huge lie that it was his birthday too!

They proceeded to date, get married, have six children, AND CELEBRATE EVERY BIRTHDAY TOGETHER (for the 50+ years he was alive). It wasn't until he passed away that we found out it wasn't his actual birthday. He had changed some legal documents to keep that lie alive. He loved her and she loved him. Sometimes lies equal love.


22. Grin And Bear It

I'm disabled. I use two crutches to walk. When I'm not actually hobbling along it's one of those disabilities that can be mistaken for just having a broken leg or something. People frequently ask me, "What did you do to need those crutches?"

When I started university, I told a girl that I had cage-wrestled a bear. She was tipsy and thought it was hilarious. I thought it was clear that I was joking. There is no sane way I could have been serious.

About three hours later I'm at the student union. Gareth Gates is singing (that one off Pop Idol). I'm trying to take a picture of him, and I hear two girls in front of me say: "Do you know why he's got those?" "Yeah, he got mauled by a bear or something." "Are you serious?"

Several months later I have to go meet my class partner for our placement study. I've never met her before in my life, but she knows me already as the guy who got attacked by a bear.

At Christmas, I head home, (only a couple of hours away) and meet up with some friends for drinks. "Turrabo, why are you telling everybody that you got mauled by a bear?"


21. Engineering The Future

My ex-girlfriend was someone who cares highly about fame/money/power. So when she broke it off with me, I told everyone I was majoring to be a software engineer and will make tons of money.

Five years later, I’m now a software engineer.


20. Home For The Holidays

I was tipsy when I met my boyfriend and didn't take him seriously. I told him I grew up in Seattle. We’ve been dating for six years and I still haven't told him. I even “fly back home” for the holidays when really I just drive down an hour from where I live to see them. I don't have the courage to come clean at this point.


19. An Arranged Marriage

I married a woman so she could get her green card and I could not be homeless. We're still married and bought a house together about a year ago. That lie became my life and most of the time, I'm okay with it.


18. Reading Between The Lines

In 2nd grade I told my friend I had dyslexia. I have no idea why, I'm a good reader and excel at English. People still come up to me and ask me if I need help with my reading assignments. I'm in 10th grade.

Also, I told someone my name was secretly Beatrice but I shortned it to CatsWillTakeOverWait. My real name is just as similar to Beatrice as CatsWillTakeOverWait, if not less.

But the real lesson is trust no one, because I told the same friend both these things and I told her it was a secret and she couldn't keep her stupid mouth shut, so it's her fault.


17. Saying Goodbye To Pancakes

My roommate and her boyfriend had a huge argument about who made the best pancakes. And I really didn’t want to get involved because I had a feeling he would win (and she would get really mean about it) so I told them both I don’t really like pancakes as an excuse to not try either and having to choose.

This went on for three years. I love pancakes but could never have them at home.


16. Are You Kitten Me

Got a job in college working in library collections. Told everyone I had a cat (which I didn't). Library staff inquired about the cat so often that I had to keep up the facade with zany fake cat stories. Grossly underestimated the appeal of cats to librarians, and I lived in a catacomb of lies for months.


15. Beating The System

Halfway through high school, I met this really cool dude who could beatbox and I was utterly fascinated. After going home and watching a few YouTube videos, I decided I would tell all my friends I could beatbox too. What I didn't realize is how many people would demand a performance on the spot, so in a panic I started practicing every day on my walk home and in the shower.

Four years later, I have a very neat yet useless party trick. All because I wanted to be as cool as that dude. Screw you, Chris.


14. Top Chef

I was 17 and washing dishes at an island resort when a senior chef asked if I could cook. I said yes. Never underwent any formal schooling or received any training and have been working as an Executive Chef for over 15 years now. I've managed kitchens all over the world. Not once was I asked for my papers.


13. Color-Blind Chaos

I once jokingly told a classmate that I was colorblind. She thought I was being serious. Pretty soon everyone in my class thought I could see no color. Of course, I had to keep it going. I told people that all of my clothes were divided by color and that I had a graph of what colors go together. By the end of the year, everyone was convinced I was colorblind. Even people who had known me for six years! When they found out, my friends threatened to gouge out my eyes.


12. Sweetie Pie

Once upon a time, I came into my office to overhear a coworker talking about this little diner that made THE BEST pies. The kicker? They make them in an actual glass pie pan. My genius self decided that I'd seem like a great girlfriend if I bought an apple one and brought it to my new boyfriend with the claim that I made it.

Well, I did, and let me tell you, my friends, it has snowballed. Now every time he talks to someone about food, he brings up how good my apple pie is. His family now also is in on the "she makes the best pie!" train. Thanksgiving is coming up and I'm going to have to buy a few more pies to cover my butt.

We have been together about a year now and he talks about marriage and kids. I am just hoping we never move far from this diner. Thankfully it's two hours away and across state lines so I've been able to keep it hushed.


11. Major Meat Head

I became a vegetarian because of a lie I told 16 years ago. When I was in middle school, I took a home economics class where we learned to cook. The first assignment was a beef lasagna. The ovens at my school were from the 60s and I was convinced I would get food poisoning. I lied and told the teacher I was a vegetarian, and she let me make a spinach lasagna instead.

The next assignment she told me what the veggie substitute would be. It dawned on me I would have to keep up the lie the whole year! I decided to try cutting meat out of my diet, and I realized I LOVE being vegetarian. I've since gotten passionate about animal advocacy.

People always ask me if I became a vegetarian for health reasons or animal rights reasons. Neither. I became a vegetarian because I lied in middle school.

20513-1550152912407.jpgCollin Parker/Flickr

10. Donut Lie Next Time

On the first day of my current job I was going around meeting the team, and one of the older ladies offered me a donut. I like donuts, but I was being shy and weird so I declined. When she persisted, I told her I "don't like sweets." She was astonished by this, and had to make a point to tell everyone in the office. It's been three years and I still get passed over for treats. "Hey, do you want this homemade pie? ...Oh wait. Silly me! You don't like sweets!"

Cookies. Donuts. Cake. Candy... I can't have any of it. People try to be nice and accommodate my "tastes" when they bring in sweets, and it usually consists of their husband's homemade pickled roadkill beaver. Every day my life is a LITTLE BIT worse because of a stupid lie.


9. Speech Impediment

I had a lisp in high school and I guess it made me sound British. So I decided to be British for everyone for four years. I finally got called out by a real British exchange student, but no one believed him because they thought I sounded more British than he did!


8. Flat-Out Lie

I told my friend that I believed the earth was flat jokingly. She told her teacher I thought the earth was flat and the next day he asks me about it in front of the whole class. For some reason, I was just like, "Yup!" Now every time he sees me he calls me out to everyone like, "Hey, this kid thinks the earth is flat!" I'm in too deep now. There is no escape.


7. Picture Perfect

I visited France for a work conference a couple of years ago. My mom asked me to take plenty of pictures of the historic city I was staying in. Well, I spent all my time there either listening to lectures or partying with other students and didn't take a single photo. So instead of disappointing my mother and telling her the truth, I downloaded a few pictures of landmarks from Google, saved them in iPhoto, and told her that I took them.

That year for Christmas, she got high-quality prints of these photos framed and gave them to my grandparents as a gift. Just this year, both of my grandparents passed away, and my wife and I moved into their old house and those pictures remain on the wall as a reminder of what a crappy son I am.

Whenever a friend has reached a certain level of trust, I'll tell them about "the reason I'm probably going to hell if there is one," and let them know the truth about those pictures.


6. Reckless Driving

While on vacation, I told my grandparents I had my Driver's Ed permit. I was 15 and I had just started Driver's Ed. I hadn't received my learners permit, I just wanted to drive their Cadillac around the block a couple of times. This turned into my grandpa throwing me the keys every time we had to go anywhere, including a trip from Naples to Fort Lauderdale on the I-75 where cars regularly hit 95. Luckily nothing happened. I'm now 30 and they still don't know.


5. Cake Boss

My husband and I started dating when we were freshmen in college. I baked him a red velvet cake for our first Valentine's Day, and he told me it was his favorite kind. From then on, I would randomly bake him different red velvet desserts. Several years later we were at my roommate's birthday dinner. She had a red velvet cake, and offered it to everyone. My husband said, "No thank you, I don't like red velvet."

My roommate (who had helped in making several cakes for him) burst out laughing while I just stared at him. I asked him what he did with all of those cakes over the years, and he told me that he either gave them to friends or threw them away.

For our wedding, I changed the groom's cake to red velvet without telling him. Got him back for all of those wasted hours baking for him!

20519-1550153319437.jpgKimberly Vardeman/Flickr

4. A Good Problem To Run Into

In 4th grade, I lied and said I was going to a track meet to impress some friends in class when the teacher asked if anyone was going. I went home and told my mom I needed to sign up for it. I was never good at athletics at this time in my life.

But I ended up going to the track meet. It was a 400m race. I remember the moment the gun went off and I immediately shifted into a gear I never knew I had before. Turned out I was actually ultra competitive for once in my life. I was neck and neck with another kid for the first place spot the entire race!

Going into the final stretch, I felt like puking. Every fibre of my body was burning and this guy was pulling away from me. I was facing defeat and I knew it. That's when something just came over me. I kicked it into psycho gear and pushed past him for the win. My legs felt like noodles and I collapsed and couldn’t get back up.

That race qualified me for a regional meet, I did that one and won again in similar fashion, then went to the state meet and got my butt handed to me. That started me down a long line of running long distance which involved being one of the best in the nation in high school and getting a scholarship to run in college, and trust me the training at that level consumes your life (100-mile weeks), so it was definitely my life at that point.


3. A Calculated Move

I was looking for a job and I didn't want to be a fast food manager anymore so I fluffed out my resume with computer skills I didn't have. I was contacted by a recruiter who asked me some questions to gauge my abilities and I straight-up Googled the answers as he was asking them.

When I went to the interview, the boss had all of these circuit boards sitting all over his desk. Now I'm in real trouble. I have no idea what any of this stuff is, and they think I'm some kind of technical genius. I have no choice now but to fake it.

So just I asked what he was using them for. The rest of the interview was just this guy bragging about all of these projects he had going on. He might as well have been speaking Greek. I just feigned interest and said wow a lot. I'm hired.

Who knows how this crap happened, but I have literally Googled every problem I have been given. It's day 543 and they still think I know what I'm doing. I'm making 1.5 times what I was making as a manager. I have a GED for Pete's sake.


2. A Fighting Chance

I used to tell people I was an amateur boxer. It seemed like a decent lie: made me look tough, impressed girls. You know, it's the kind of lie that makes a boring guy seem like he has some edge. Until it all goes wrong.

One night, I was out with my friends at a bar when I accidentally spilled some beer on this guy. I immediately knew I had messed up. Buddy was enormous and clearly looking for a fight. He leapt to his feet and started getting in my face, calling me out. I just put my hands up, pretended I knew what I was doing, put on the meanest face I could make. I knew in my heart I was about to get beaten to a pulp in front of everyone and my lie would be exposed.

Fortunately, the guy stood down, said, "Screw that... you could tell he knows how to fight." I signed up to my nearest boxing gym the next day. I actually love it!


1. Hindsight's 20/20

I started wearing emo glasses when I was 20 even though I still had perfect vision (the lenses were plastic and did nothing), and kept that up for five years. Most people think I switched to contacts.