News Flash: Kid-Focused Branding Doesn’t Equal Yummy
The new millennium brought many things to consumers everywhere. It became a time of technological innovation, brightly colored toys, and some…questionable food choices. What do you mean, companies were making purple ketchup? Hindsight is 20/20, of course, and this list will have you taking a flavorful walk down memory lane.
1. Heinz EZ Squirt Ketchup
This visual abomination existed from 2000 to 2006. Heinz EZ Squirt Ketchup came in teal, green, and purple colors. It might have been fun for kids to shock their friends with these unnatural condiment colors, but to the adult eye, it just looked unappetizing. Luckily, consumers lost interest in this product, and it was discontinued almost 20 years ago.
2. Hot Fries
The lesser-discussed food-related tiger, Chester’s Flamin’ Hot Fries, was released in 1992, almost three years after Flamin’ Hot Cheetos. Depending on how much spice you like today, we wouldn’t blame you for disliking the bright red corn snack.
3. Danimals
Danimals was a children-focused, drinkable yogurt that was introduced in 1994. While it was a great source of Vitamin D and featured adorable animal-themed packaging, its low-fat content essentially made it milky water.
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4. Warheads
This sour snack was actually invented in Taiwan during the 70s, but didn’t make its way to the United States until 1993. Known for being extremely sour, this candy was only for the most dedicated puckerers.
5. Froot Loops Cereal Straws
Kellogg’s introduced this breakfast snack back in 2007, and discontinued it only two years later. The straws were designed to help make kids drink their milk, making it taste like the familiar toucan-fronted cereal. Unfortunately, the straws quickly became soggy, and if you were drinking milk out of a cereal bowl with another flavor, it wasn’t the best taste experience.
6. Candy Necklaces
They’re so fun to get on Valentine's or during school activity days, but candy necklaces are gross when you really think about it. You’re 10 years old, wearing chalky sugar around your neck, slobbering on a piece of white elastic as you try to nibble off one of these odd little candies. But if the kids still love them, then they will continue to exist.
7. Kid Cuisine
Kid Cuisine first came onto the scene back in 1989 and wasn’t discontinued until 2019, making it a children’s lunch or dinner staple for 30 years. The meals were marketed as a way for kids to get their protein, carbs, and a sweet treat, all with decent nutritional benefits. We clearly didn’t know any better back then.
8. Hubba Bubba Bubble Tape
The gum itself isn’t gross, but it's the way children act with it. We’re not sure who thought that giving children a giant roll of gum was a good idea, as it was a surefire way to lead to disaster. Children would take bites out of that thing like it was a cinnamon roll, or try to stuff the entire thing in their mouth at once. Not only gross, but also a massive choking hazard.
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9. Popsicle Character Pops
These funny-looking frozen treats still exist today, but they definitely made their mark in the early 2000s. For a couple of extra dollars, you too can enjoy the simple pleasure of taking a bite out of SpongeBob’s head.
10. Cosmic Brownies
Cosmic Brownies made their first appearance in 1999. Inspired by the cosmic bowling trend of the 90s, these little treats came with fudge frosting and mini chocolate chips. Now, dear reader, we’re not sure if you’ve had one of these in a while, but if you have, we hope you can agree that while tasty as a child, these treats today have an overwhelmingly chemical flavor.
11. Fun Dip
It’s sugar in a bag that you lick with a stick made of sugar. What’s not to like about it? Well, for one, the sugar would get a little lumpy after making contact with saliva one too many times, and the stomachache you got after eating one of these things was never worth it for the flavor it brought.
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12. Easy Cheese
Do you like cheese? Do you want your cheese in a shaving cream-style spray tube? Apparently, many folks have over the years, since the product first came out in 1965. However, it was popularized due to its use in several Disney television shows. It’s much easier to use than cubing up some cheese for your crackers, but does it actually taste better?
13. Scooby Doo Graham Cracker Sticks
This Keebler-made product fulfilled many children’s fantasies of trying a Scooby Snack. Of course, no one was eating actual dog treats, but the blandness of a graham cracker let us get as close as possible to the well-loved treat. Of course, the idea of eating a dog treat isn’t as appealing as it once was.
14. Baby Bottle Pops
This funky little candy first came out in 1998. It was like two snacks in one, as the top part was an actual lollipop, while the bottle contained even more sugar to put on your sugar stick. A fun and engaging candy as a kid, but thinking about it now gives us a headache.
15. Altoids Sours
Altoids Sours existed on grocery shelves from 2001 to 2010 and were discontinued due to low sales. They were known for being extremely sour and could often damage the roof of your mouth or even cause canker sores. Sounds great! We’ll take two cans.
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16. Jell-O Pudding
It just doesn’t seem right to mix the jigglyness of Jell-O and the thick sweetness of pudding, but Kraft did it anyway. Jell-O Pudding has been around for nearly a century, but in the early 2000s, it focused its branding heavily towards children.
17. Squeeze Pops
Squeeze Pops are the grandparent of the popular squeeze & lick candy format that dominated the 90s and early 2000s. While these candies first appeared all the way back in the 80s, we still count them as they’re still floating around today. Anyways, we have them to thank for the sugar-on-sugar overload we witnessed at the turn of the millennium.
18. Yogos
This yogurt-esque snack first appeared in 2005. We say yogurt-esque, as it’s technically not yogurt at all. The candy itself was fruit-flavored and chewy, and Kellogg's swore up and down that it was a healthier snack compared to other types of candy. This, of course, was untrue, and the snack was discontinued in 2010.
19. Gripz
Gripz were a line of tiny, portable snacks that first came out in 2005. They were marketed towards 8-11-year-olds, and featured incredibly small versions of Cheez-Its and Chips Deluxe, making them a lunchbox staple. Today, we’re more prone to questioning how these snacks are made, but in the early 2000s, we were just happy to have a yummy treat to eat.
20. Surge
This soda brand first appeared in the 90s as Coca-Cola's direct competitor to Mountain Dew. However, Coca-Cola stopped production of it in 2003 due to an overwhelming lack of interest. Its intense branding and green-tea-esque color just couldn’t compete with the Mountain, we guess.
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