In third grade, I went to the bathroom, and thinking I was alone, put my hands against the wall, leaned forward, and let out a long gigantic fart. Afterwards I let out a nice big sigh of relief and pleasure. I turn around that some other kids had come in as I was releasing that massive fart. Did not look them in the eyes as I left

Just to clarify due to comments, it's not the fart that was strange, no matter how long it may have been. It's the hands against the wall, prepping my body to let it rip, and moaning "uuuuunnggghhh" afterwards.

I was in standstill traffic (i.e. car had been turned off, people where loitering outside of their cars) and I had a baby squirrel that I was hand rearing in my car. I fed it some puppy milk formula from a bottle, looked up and realised I had an audience of about twenty people gawking at me.

I wanted to try to drink like a dog. I put a bowl on the floor and filled it with Fanta. My dad walked into my room while I was kneeling on the floor with my tongue in the bowl. He has never mentioned it since.

Arguing with myself (well, not myself - the actual person just wasn't there, so I was standing in) in the mirror. With animated facial expressions and gestures. Lips moving, but with no sound. I now reserve these hypothetical arguments for the shower. When I am home alone.

One time my girlfriend and I had just left the house. She then remembered she needed something and went back in. Now, our house (Golders Green, London), was semi-detached with the neighbor's house.

The neighbor's motorbike was kind of in our shared front yard. Since I was waiting for my girlfriend, I decided to sit on the motorbike.

I heard the front door of the house close behind me, so, trying to be funny for my girlfriend, I leaned over the tank of the motorbike and started pretending to rev the throttle and making Vrrooom, Vroom motorbike noises. Like, really getting into it. I didn't hear any laughing, so I turned around and it was actually my neighbor standing there with this unimpressed look on his face.

Walking across the road to the dumpster with a bag of trash. One arm pulled into my hoodie. Flapping it like a wing, and slowly moving forward while going in circles. Saying to myself "Flying in circles, flying in circles." Realizing that I was not circling in the right direction for the 'wing' I had and reversing to circle oppositewise. Saying "Flying in circles the wrong way."

Come back inside and find that my whole family had been watching me.

I picked up a pizza, was super excited to eat it, so I put it in the passenger seat and said something along the lines of, "I'm gonna take you home and mess you up!" hyping myself and the pizza up of course. I then saw that my window, and the window of the next car was open. A woman watched and heard me talk dirty to a pizza.

Another time I accidentally made eye contact with a woman while I was licking my lips after taking a sip of an Arizona tea, and she looked extremely offended by that. That was all in her head thoough, I'm still in denial.

Once I was taking a dump in a public restroom and heard weird noises, so I looked under the stall to check the feet of the dude next to me. I'm not sure why, I just did it to be safe. Turns out the dude next to me was checking at the exact same time I was. It was so freaking awkward as we made eye contact nearly upside down by our underwear. I guess it was weird for both of us.

Back in the day I had this app called "I am T-Pain" where you basically autotune your voice and you can hear yourself with the headphones. I was singing "Buy you a Drank" in a heavy Jamaican accent thinking I was first to come home from school to an empty house. My brother and his friend were in the next room laughing so hard but I didn't realise until I was done.

I spent three weeks in Florida for work. Stepped out of the hotel one morning to see a bunch of tiny lizards scrambling all up and down one of the columns in front of the building. One of them stopped at eye level and looked at me, so without thinking, I said, "Well, hello! What are you?"

Turns out there was a guy on the other side of the column. He couldn't keep the laugh to himself.

When I was about 8, I had one of those dolls that "actually peed!" My mom walked in on me alone in my room, holding the doll upside down over a bucket, and forcefully squirting blue cream soda into her girl hole and squeezing it out of her face.

Grew up in the country in the middle of nowhere, Canada. As a little kid I loved to climb trees, and once I conquered a tree (usually 30-40 foot ish trees), I would take a poop from the top of it, to show that tree who the boss is, if you will. Until one day I was at my grandma's, and she caught me mid -poop. That was the end of that.

I was a strange kid.

My husband and I have caught several couples getting busy in our corn fields. It wouldn't be so weird if not for the amount of instances it's occurred and that each time it's been different people and they always act shocked that they were caught and try to play it off like they weren't trespassing to do it. Plus the fact that they could have been more comfortable doing it in their vehicles, which were well hidden by that same corn.

Once we caught a couple not just hooking up in the corn but stealing it too. When confronted, the guy said he was just showing his girlfriend “the corns” though we all knew he was trying to five finger a dinner side. Joke was on them though. It wasn't sweet corn, it was field corn.

When I was around 10 years old I was getting curious about sex so I decided to look it up in the dictionary. Wouldn’t you know it my ultra conservative mother walks in the room so I try to play it off like I was looking up the Heida Native American tribe. She called me out for being in the S’s but I doubled down and pretended i was possibly dyslexic. What a tangled web I wove.

I was once caught by an ex-girlfriend playing her cat like a banjo. I had both of Slushy's front paws in my hand and was strumming on his tummy. The cat was purring so loud it made her come in to see what was going on. There was a long awkward pause followed by... "are you playing my cat?"

I was like 13 or 14 in my room alone, my window wide opened, when I started to wonder if I ever got kissed what the other person would be seeing from their perspective, so I went up to my closet, which had those floor length mirrors and I started kissing the mirror, opening my eyes every once in a while to see if I looked at all attractive doing this, one of those times I opened my eyes I saw my brother outside my wide open window through the mirror looking at me with such a confused look on his face, I screamed and fell to the floor and hid in my room for a while.

Another time, I was a kid and creeped out by cousin's creepy doll, one morning me and the doll were alone in her room and I grabbed the doll and started to shake it and while I was yelling at it that I knew it could talk. My cousin walked in and was like what are you doing?? And I brought the doll close to me and caressed it and said I was just kidding. She kept the doll away from me after that.

I was the one who got caught... I was listening to a lot of DMX at the time and was practicing barking like him and practicing his raspy voice in what I thought was an empty room in my office. My coworker pokes his head around the corner and says "are you...barking?"

I was.

I was at a house party and we all crashed in the living room afterwards. I woke up early in the AM to get some water and as I am walking back to my couch I see my friend peeing on his wife as she sleeps on a recliner. She wakes up and says "Did you pee on me? Not again! You can't do this in someone else's house!"

I was walking up to a friend's place, and looked through the window and saw his roommate, sitting alone in the semi-darkness, chugging ranch dressing from the bottle. He saw me see him drinking it. He put it down very quickly, and I went and knocked. The roommate answered the door, and I just pretended I hadn't seen him and never said anything about it to him to this day.

I was waiting in my car to pick up my boyfriend from campus and a guy was making his way across the otherwise empty sidewalk gesticulating wildly while conversing angrily with a squirrel. The squirrel was following him and every few feet he turned around to yell at it. It would stop and listen but every time he tried to walk off the squirrel resumed following him and the whole cycle would start over. It was amazing. I'll never forget it.

Man on the subway casually took a halved lime out of his sock, squeezed the juice into his hands, rubbed it on his face and neck, and then put the half back in his sock as if nothing has happened.

My friend used to like the smell of pencils. But not just plain pencils, pencils that had been in the oven for a while. It would be weird to walk into a room and he'd be sniffing hot pencils.

I was caught by one of my employees at work... eating a bag of Cheetos with chopsticks. I thought the lack of orange fingers was brilliant...he thought I was socially inept.

I once saw an elderly woman at our storage unit. She walked in with a handful of letters and when she opened her locker there was nothing inside but a heap of unopened letters that was almost as tall as she was. We left before she did and she apparently had parked next to us, because there was a car that had the interior completely filled with mail. There was literally only a small space for the driver everything else all the way to the ceiling was mail.

The lady was approx 75-80, It happened in 2001. The storage unit was in Pensacola, Florida. To this day I have no idea what she was doing with all that mail.

Puddle Man. What a guy. No idea who he was.

I used to deliver pizza in Seattle, downtown. Cool job, got to know the whole city. As you probably know, it rains here often.

There's a stretch of old highway 99, aka Aurora Ave, just barely north of downtown where the road starts to change from a highway into a city street. Old hotel there that has too many stories for comfort. Also, importantly, a dip in the road over by the curb where rainwater would pool during heavy precipitation.

Puddle Man would stand right there, on the corner, in the rain. Right next to the fast moving highway and the large pool of rainwater on the road. We saw him all the time. Puddle Man was large - really large, and he wore a yellow rain slicker with the hood up. Sometimes he was under an umbrella. You know, because he didn't want to get rained on. Pretty sensible. Oh, except he forgot to button the rain slicker up. And he forgot to wear pants.

Puddle Man would stand right there for hours, in the perfect spot to get COMPLETELY SOAKED by the huge bow waves of water that would be splashed up by all the cars driving past. Calmly, facing the street, no expression on his face, rain bouncing from his hood or umbrella. Just letting the waves wash over him as car after car fwoomed through his puddle.

It was weird, but it was awesome. It looked fun! I and the other pizza drivers would swerve toward him a little, just to get deeper into the dip and make a bigger wave. I almost knocked him off his feet during one particularly heavy downpour. I like to think that he appreciated that. He never seemed to get tired of it.

Puddle Man was a weird cat with a weird habit, but he really had something figured out about life. Some 20 years later I still think about the guy, incongruous with his raincoat and umbrella, patient and zen as any other surfer as he waited for that next wave.

I've told this story a few times before, but it remains the oddest thing that I've ever had the misfortune of overhearing.

One of my friends had a housemate with a rather interesting evening routine... and he had (as far as I know) absolutely no idea that anyone else was aware of it. His first step - at least from what I could hear - would be to close his door and address some imaginary woman who had apparently sneaked inside when he wasn't looking.

"Well, what are you doing here?" he'd say, his voice audible through the wall. "Uh huh. Oh, really? Well, I guess I'd better take my pants off, then." A few seconds would pass, after which he would speak again. "So, how about you get your pants off, too? I'll just lay here and wait for you to be ready. Oh, you're ready now? Well, go ahead and climb on top of me, then."

It would be several minutes before anything else would become audible... but then the next part of his routine would begin. Anyone within earshot would hear the guy's bedroom door open and then slam, after which he'd sprint down the hallway to the bathroom and slam that door. He'd be in there for a few minutes, the toilet would flush, and then we'd all be treated to a second performance of him slamming the door, running down the hall, and locking himself in his bedroom.

So, in short order, his routine went like this:

Click
"Oh, look, a sneaky woman!"
"Now we're both naked!"
Silence...
SLAM
Rapid footsteps
SLAM
Silence...
Toilet flushing.
SLAM
More rapid footsteps
SLAM

From what I've heard, he'd do this every night. At one point, someone suggested that he might have been talking to a webcam model or something, so they "accidentally" reset the router after hearing the guy's door close... but he went right through the same routine, talking to someone who wasn't there before beating a hasty retreat to the bathroom.

At my old college dorm, a bunch of us were drinking in the room of the guy across the hall from me. Towards the end of the night, we saw him fill up one of those deep plastic chairs with what must have been a half-gallon of pee. He had staggered up to it with his eyes half-closed, and as soon as his knees bumped into it, he unzipped and let loose. He was very, very out of it.

The next morning, I hear a loud, "WHO PEED IN MY CHAIR?" coming from across the hall, and he came out of his room and started pounding on doors.

He refused to believe that he was the one who peed in his own chair, despite all of us seeing him do it.

I was an altar boy in my Lutheran Church in the mid-80s. I was not in the rotation this particular weekend but was in the congregation the Sunday of the event. Our confirmation class was full of red blooded Midwest farm boys who, as the elders say, were full of the devil. If you were in confirmation you did altar duty.

My buddies Craig and Mike were working this particular service. It was the week after and we had dead plants on the altar. It's something to do with Lent, if I recall correctly. In our church there is a little room off the altar where we would go to get our robes and candle lighting sticks (I'm atheist and paid no attention to any of this pageantry). Also in that room was the old school mimeograph. The type that use the sheet of ink to make copies of the weekly handouts etc.

So, the dead plants are in there. Unknown to these two fine upstanding young men, the little old ladies had treated these dead plants with 80s hairspray to keep them from shedding all over the alter. You can see where this is going.

Craig decides to touch an open flame to one of the plants. It immediately bursts into flame like last year's Christmas tree. In their panic they throw it in the trash can...full of mimeograph ink sheets. It's a two foot metal trash can with six feet of flames shooting upward. What's Craig do? He grabs it and runs...out the door past the alter, down the stairs, drops the can in the middle of the stunned congregation, yells a profanity and kicks it down the isle.

It was epic! 32 years later and I still laugh loudly thinking about it. Burned off all his eyebrows, ruined the carpet.

I don't know how weird it is but in the moment I was very confused. Now it is just hilarious to me.

I was in the bathroom at work when a man maybe in his 30s or 40s entered. While I was washing my hands he cupped his under the automatic soap dispenser, filled them with soap, and put the handful of soap into his mouth. He just kinda swooshed it around before swallowing it, doing that satisfied lip smack thing, and walked out of the bathroom.

Got an apartment with a guy I knew from high school. I walked in on him painting my bicycle with a paintbrush. "What are you doing with my bike?" I asked. "Oh it's yours? I found it in the back porch.. I was going to sell it." He retorted. "You can't sell my bike!" -- "Don't worry, I'll split the money with you."

When I bought my first pair of night vision goggles, I had them delivered to the TV station I worked at (not trusting my neighbors to leave my crap alone).

So, I took a break and tried them out in the only truly dark room I could find. The mens room.

A coworker came in, flicked on the lights, and was startled to find me in the middle of the room, blinded by the sudden flash of normal light, brushing my teeth in the pitch dark with night vision goggles.

I had to go talk to HR about it. He was freaked out.

It was 3am and 15-year-old me was taking a crap and got a bloody nose. Now for context, I get real bad nose bleeds and usually just keep my head up and it goes away. Well I was bored. So I thought, “what if I just keep my head down and let it drip?” I know... very stupid. Blood was all over the floor. I had every intent to just clean it up with tissues and flush it, no evidence of my little experiment.

What I didn't know was that my mum was actually awake and was waiting for me to finish in the toilet for her turn. I didn't lock the door because it was 3am and I didn't think I needed to. Well... she opens the door... “Hey, why are you taking so l-“ She sees the blood, starts freaking right out. Thinks I’m either dead or dying.

I start yelling, trying to explain myself. Mum starts crying thinking shes gonna lose her son. My sister walks out her room from the crying and the yelling. Sees the blood. Freaks right out as well. After a bit of panic, I eventually explained my stupid experiment. I cleaned it up and we all went to bed. But I don't think anybody slept after that traumatic experience.

When I was like 10-12 years old, I was in my room after just having taken a shower, when for some reason I got the weird idea to use my belt and a couple of towels to make the Princess Leia slave outfit bottom (by the way I'm a boy). As I stood there wearing it (the front flap slightly raised since I had been thinking about Princess Leia) my Mom walked right on in... for what seemed like an eternity I saw her confused face trying to figure out what was happening, and just as she was about to ask about it I jumped across the room and slammed the door in her face. With my face bright red I hurriedly threw on my clothes and went downstairs like nothing had happened. My mom tried to bring it up once but I feigned ignorance, and not another word has been spoken of it since.

Was at the driveway at Wendy's and had exact change as I was switching the money one hand to another the quarter slipped in between my legs and I went to grab it but it slipped down further and the guy comes to the window as I have one hand full with cash and the other hand in between my legs trying to grab the quarter. He looked and me and said "I'm not even going to ask" and I just said "the quarter fell between my legs I have exact change" I got it and handed it to him pulled up to the next window to get my food and it set it what he thought he saw me doing. So embarrassing.

I got back to my apartment after classes some years ago to find my boyfriend of two weeks crouching on top of my kitchen counter, washing his junk  in the sink. My immediate reaction was to just keep walking and not ask questions. I put my backpack on the coffee table and started playing some video game.

I waited for him to finish up and come into the living room before I put down my controller and asked why. He was going to surprise me by having dinner ready when I got off class. He knew I liked spicy food and was making us fajitas. He sliced up the habaneros without gloves, and had then gone to take a pee without thoroughly washing his hands.

I laughed my butt off, thanked him for the kind gesture, and we both enjoyed some fajitas. Then later, when the whole thing was forgotten, foreplay ensued. It was NOT funny when I was sitting in a cold bath for the following 20 minutes. Chili oils are no joke.

In middle school, I was kind of a nerd. I had a lot of clout with the teachers, and would often get handed their keys without supervision because they knew I wasn't going to cause trouble.

8th grade, after school, I needed to get into the science storage room for something. I couldn't find the teacher that normally had the keys anywhere - Mr. V. Anyway, I went up to the office and one of the ladies gave me the key.

I made my way back to the science room, and then to the back of the room where the storage room door was. I thought I heard giggling. I figured it was nothing, so I opened the door with the key. What I saw was the most bizarre display... I couldn't make it up if I tried.

There was Mr. V, between the steel wire shelves, with his pants around his ankles, an Erlenmeyer Flask on his junk, and a test tube up to his forehead like a unicorn. He turned around and saw me, dropped the test tube (which shattered), and hopped to the back of the room, yelling "SHUT THE DOOR!"

Needless to say I shut the door.

He resigned at the end of that semester. I don't know what on earth he was doing, but that image will be forever burned in my mind.

I was called in to assist my wife with putting together a friend's baby shower when her helper bailed at the last minute. My job was to prep the "dirty diaper game" which, if you've not heard of it, is played like this: an assortment of name brand candy bars and chocolates are unwrapped and then mushed into a diaper so as to resemble a baby's dirty diaper. The game participants then assess the contents of each "dirty" diaper and have a guess at what candy bar might be lurking within. Whoever has the most correct answers wins. Now, seeing that I was called in at the last minute, I had to complete the task while at work...

So there I was, in my office, fifteen or so diapers laying open on my desk, sleeves rolled up, hurriedly rolling what appeared to be a gooey, nutty turd in my hands...when my boss walks in.

We make eye contact.

He glances at my work, looks at me as though I am dangerously unstable, then slowly steps back out of the office without saying a word.

We've never spoken of it.

Me, newlywed to my then-husband. Had to leave our apartment and move in with his somewhat disabled mother. Two weeks in, he and I are having sexy times in our bedroom. Specifically, hes going downtown. MIL knocks and immediately opens the door, saying "dinners on the table!". Awkward pause. Everyone freezes. His face is buried in my groin. She stands shock still, then huffs, and says "Well, I see you've already eaten," slams the door and goes away.

We giggle, recoup, and go to eat. Most awkward meal of my life.

My friends and I did some questionably juvenile pranks back in the day as pubescent boys. Moon in front of the TV screen, stuff like that.

One day I snuck into my friend's room (he had glass doors to the front yard) and got ready. I took all my clothes off, put on a sombrero, and slipped my junk into the wide end of a vuvuzela. Laid in his bed in wait...

Few minutes later his mom walks in. I was mortified, she either didn’t notice or just ignored it and walked out. Was I caught? Too afraid to ask.