These People From Around The World Got Revenge By Maliciously Following The Rules

These People From Around The World Got Revenge By Maliciously Following The Rules

Have you ever tried to break the rules for a good reason, only to be told you have to stay within the lines? Sometimes, when someone is a real jerk about it, your best option is malicious compliance. That is, doing what you're told in such a way as to undermine the person who told you what to do. It's a great tactic to use against incompetent bosses, demanding idiot customers, and a whole host of other wackos who insist on having things their own way no matter the consequences.

These folks recently went online to share their best stories of malicious compliance. Sometimes the best revenge is actually following the rules!

mark-duffel-U5y077qrMdI-unsplash-300x214.jpgPhoto by Mark Duffel on Unsplash

30. Want to limit my expenses? I'll make sure I spend the max

So I am a business consultant, and usually during the week we are at client site and get paid for travel, meals etc. The meal reimbursement policy is quite flexible, and doesn't limit what we can claim, like some of the other consulting companies. So we can claim lunch, drinks, whatever.

The policy, however, does lay down a GUIDANCE for a daily limit for food expenses, based on the country where you're travelling. I capitalized the word GUIDANCE, since that is exactly how it is written in the policy - it is a guidance, not a hard limit. For the UK, where my current project is, the limit is £40 per day, which is mostly ok, but can be a bit low if you're in the centre of London for example.

Now I do Intermittent Fasting, so most of the days I don't have breakfast and lunch, and just have one big meal a day, and have no problems keeping to the £40 (usually around £20). On some days, I might go to a fancy restaurant, have a couple of scotches with a steak, and run up a $60 bill. But during the course of a 5 day week, my average meals would run about £30 a day, if not less.

I've never had a problem claiming these expenses in my 9 years with the firm, but recently a new project manager came on board, and he sent back a couple of my expense reports for having meal expenses in excess of the £40 for a couple of days, even though the average meal expense over the week was much less.

I tried to reason with him, told him that it was a guidance and not a hard limit, and I was keeping the costs down on other days, he refused to budge and said I could only claim £40 a day for food.

So guess what, I started doing exactly that. Every day, I made sure I was claiming £40 or thereabouts for food. I started buying meals for the homeless people around the train station to make sure I could make up the £40.

So now, where I was claiming less than £150 a week for meals, I now claim £200 and get some good karma for it.

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29. You want your food raw? Go crazy

I work at a french fry stand during my free time to earn some extra money. Last week, we had this customer that was REALLY impatient. There was an old lady who had paid before her. She wanted her fries to be first. I said, "Sorry can't do that." She said she's going to be late for something.

As I cook her fries, she asks me how much time does she have to wait to cook. I said 6 minutes. Only two minutes in, she asked me again! And at 3 minutes she wanted the fries. I told her that they're not yet cooked and are still cold inside. She said she didn't care. I told her to give me the money first. She gave the money, I gave the fries, still cold inside.

She took a couple of fries and ate them at the same time. She spat the fries into the little paper bag they come with. She wanted a refund. I just said, "Sorry can't do that."

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28. I can't pee without permission? I'll e-mail everyone!

Last week I was working from home one day, and got up to use the bathroom and make a cup of coffee. Took 10 minutes, tops. I get back to my computer to a bunch messages from my boss, getting increasingly nasty about something and why I wasn't answering quick enough for her. I send a message back with whatever it was she needed to know, and "apologizing" for not getting back to her soon enough.

When she finally answered me (about half an hour later) she said if I'm not going to be at my computer for any amount of time, I need to send an email to everyone in my office (including high level executives) that I'll be unavailable for X amount of time and why.

So that's what I've been doing. My normal phrasing for the message is: "Hi! I'll be unavailable from this time to this time as I'm going to use the bathroom/make some coffee/etc." Every single person in my office has told me it's fine and I don't need to tell them when I'm going to be gone for a few minutes, where I then forward them the original exchange between me and my boss and apologize but say this is what my direct report has told me to do, and this is the result if I don't.

They all hate her as much as I do now.

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27. You nearly killed me and you want a Yelp! review? You got it

Early August 2018, I tried to break up a late night fight between my cat and my parents' dog, and I lost. Didn't realize at the time just how bad cat bites are, so the next morning when my hand swelled up I went to the emergency room, where they gave me antibiotics. I'd been on antibiotics twice already that year, for pneumonia and a UTI, so despite knowing my allergies to both penicillin and sulfa were on my chart, I made sure to request ones I wasn't allergic to, you know, because duh.

They gave me sulfa antibiotics and I almost died. Two days later I'm back in the ER and get different antibiotics. I have good credit and would like to keep it that way, so paid off all my bills as soon as I received them. There was drama with getting additional bills later to the point where I called and asked the registrant to go through my account to make sure I had paid everything, and if I hadn't, I would like to pay it over the phone.

Cut to months later, when I get some very angry calls from a collections agency trying to collect on the bills I had already paid. It took a three-way phone call between the ER, the collections agency and me to figure it out, but we figured it out.

Cut to the past two weeks, where I have gotten 10 different emails asking me to review the ER. One email, every business day: "How Did We Do?", "Reminder: Give us Your feedback!", "Don't Forget to Review!"

So I did, on Yelp, Facebook, and Google, just like they asked.

"This place almost killed me with antibiotics that my medical history clearly states I am allergic to. Then they had the nerve to send my already-paid bill from their attempted manslaughter to a collections agency - I'm likely not the only person they've tried to bully into double paying a bill. Now it's a year later and they've suddenly decided to hound me for a review."

Go ahead, call me again.

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26. You reimburse me to take the bus? I'll take a cab then

I used to travel for work fairly often, and the company I worked for had very strict reimbursement policies. You had to have a receipt for EVERYTHING or you wouldn't get refunded for it.

On one trip I was staying in the center of a mid-sized city, but the training I was attending was in the suburbs. There was a bus route I could take, and while it took a great deal more of my time it was WAY cheaper to take the bus than a taxi. $1.50 bus fare vs. approximately $40 for a cab. Problem is, there's no way to get a receipt for riding the bus.

So, I email my company's business manager and explain the situation. Ask if I can please get reimbursed for the bus fare without receipts. The response comes -- no, any reimbursement requests without receipts will be denied, and I will have to cover the expense out-of-pocket.

Fine. Cab rides, twice a day, for a week. Totally allowable within company policy. Fares plus tips, the total taxi expenses come to almost $500. My boss questions the request, I show her the email from the business manager and explain that I tried to take the bus (which would have totaled $15 for the week) but was told it wasn't reimbursable.

Over the following weeks, heated discussion ensues between the business office and senior management. Two months later, there's a new policy -- reimbursement requests for anything over $10 must have a receipt. Under $10? No receipt required.

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25. You try to rip us off? You can pay double

I work nights at a hotel. Back then, the manager would place ads with coupons advertising rooms at a discount. In general, these coupons were a real pain in the butt. They clearly said not valid on weekends or holidays and had expiration dates. I would regularly have to argue with guests because they were trying to use them in violation of the terms.

Anyway, one day this guy comes in and slaps a magazine with one of our coupons down on the desk and stares me down. I sigh internally and look at the coupon. It’s a couple of months out of date.

Me: Our rate for the night is...

Him: I know the rate. It says it right here.

He jabs his finger into the magazine just about punching a hole in our marble counter.

Him: Now you’re going to honor this coupon or I’m going to call my friend who owns the company.

I really want to tell him to go ahead because if he really knew the owner, he’d know that the company is a franchise and each hotel is privately owned. Instead, what I say is...

Me: Absolutely, sir.

You see, what I was going to tell him before he cut me off was that his coupon was out of date and from the height of tourist season. Since the season was over and we’d already gotten snow, our regular nightly rate was almost half of what his coupon said. Since he was insistent that I honor it, I saw no reason not to charge him almost double what everyone else was paying.

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24. Insist I check IDs? Now you don't get a drink

I work in a casual fine dining restaurant in a downtown area. Prices aren't crazy but high enough that we dont get a super young crowd... I would say average age of our dinner crowd is 30 to 60 although it varies more on the weekend. I only include this information so you understand why I didn't initially ask for identification (even though you should always check)

Thursday night a table of 4 comes in for early dinner. Two middle-aged Karens and their daughters. Excellent. I'm ready for them to split entrees and tip me 15%. Not the WORST type of table if we're being honest, but nonetheless.

They order a pitcher of sangria and I tell them I'll be right back with that for them to which Momma Karen says to me, "You really aren't going to check these girls' IDs? Her birthday was just last month. Aren't you supposed to check anyone who looks under 40?"

She is correct, of course that I should have asked for identification even though they girls were with their mothers and I was being lazy by assuming they were of age since their moms did not stop them from ordering drinks. I agree with her and tell her that I actually am supposed to check ALL IDs regardless of age, and proceed to look at all 4 of the ladies' IDs.

Unfortunately for Momma Karen, her birthday was a few days previously and her ID had expired. In the state of Michigan it is illegal to serve alcohol to anyone with an expired ID regardless of age so I had to deny her a glass for the sangria, while her daughter and friend shared a pitcher.

She informed me that she, a business owner, is more aware of the law than I, a mere server, could ever be. Why couldn't I "just do my job" and bring her a glass? My generation doesn't respect elders and blah blah blah.

You asked for it, lady.

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23. Don't want to help me do my work? Guess you can stay late

When I was in high school I had a part time job working at a local restaurant. One day I came in and was scheduled to wash dishes, no big deal. I walked into the back and came to find out that the morning shift did not have a dish washer therefore there was a mountain of dishes. No bueno. On top of all of that, we got slammed that night.

As a minor, I was required to take a 30 minute break in order to work my full shift (4-10pm I believe). As I clocked out for my break I asked my manager if she could have someone cover my position while I was on break to prevent an even worse situation than was already at hand. She responded, ‘Won’t be able to. You’ll just have to stay late and finish it.’

An important thing to keep in mind is that this manager was notoriously lazy and unhelpful. She never lended a helping had to get things done faster. She would rather stay 3 hours past close sitting in the office waiting for us to finish our closing duties instead of coming out and helping and getting everything done in a timely manner. She also was not very familiar with child labor laws in Ohio.

Since I was a minor, not only did I have to take a 30 minute break, I also could not work past 11pm on school nights. So after clocking back in from my break, I resumed washing the mountain of dishes that had accumulated. I took my time and didn’t rush to get everything cleaned, but also wasn’t going extremely slow on purpose.

10:59 rolls around and I walk into the office to tell her that I am leaving. She asked ‘got everything done?’ ‘Nope!’ I said. ‘It’s a Wednesday night. Can’t work past 11pm. Labor laws. I left the water turned on for you. There’s still a lot left!’

The look on her face was priceless. I clocked out with the biggest smile on my face knowing that she was going to have to leave the office and do something for once. Asked another manager the next day to see what time she clocked out. 1:15am!

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22. Want me to get a doctor's note? Now I'll be sicker longer

I am a grown man, and I can tell when I am sick. I know my body a little better than a doctor does in terms of recovery and if it is something I'm not sure of I will see a doctor. But my place of work has this silly rule that if you are going to be out 3 days you have to have a doctor's note.

Anyway, I got food poisoning the other day. It was the middle of the night right before I was going to go in before it started to hit and I knew what was coming. It was going to be 36 hours of running to the bathroom followed by 24 hours of being super tired from not having eaten for the last 2 days and not having had any sleep for the last 48 hours. It's a full 3 day recovery for me. The first 36 really are the worst though.

So I called in sick on Tuesday, and Wednesday and was going to call in sick on Thursday too to get my much needed rest and be 100% for work on Friday. But when I called in this morning I was told I have to get a doctor's note to miss this day. It's stupid because what is a doctor going to tell me that I don't already know. But my doctor also hates these types of rules so she had my back.

I went to her this morning and told her what my work said. She asked if maybe I might have had chills during my time being sick. So I said yes. She said she doesn't feel comfortable saying it was just food poisoning and is going to say it could have been a stomach flu. She's writing me a note to be out until Monday now.

So now I have 2 days of just rest and relaxation followed by the weekend. Thanks for forcing me to go into the doctor!

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21. Want to be racist? I'll mess up your tea

I am mixed race (white and Middle Eastern) and I have a Middle Eastern name. Some people can't see past the name and treat me differently, so I've developed a thick skin.

I was in a multiple-day board meeting and volunteered to make the mid-morning coffee run for everyone. One of the senior board members requested chai (tea with milk), and when I asked how she wanted it, said, "You're brown, you know how to do it."


I let the comment slide, and headed down to the coffee shop. Problem was, I legitimately did not know what "you're brown, you know how to do it" meant. My dad always liked his mint tea with a bit of honey in it rather than sugar, so I had an idea.

I ordered the board member a large chai and then proceeded to pour out about 1/3 of it. I then took the squeeze bottle of honey at the end of the coffee bar and filled up the 1/3rd of the cup that I had poured out. It was less a drink and more of a slurry when I tried to stir in the honey, and it goes without saying it was sweet to the point of being inedible.

I brought everyone their drinks and handed the chai slurry to the board member. The weight of the cup threw her off, and she hesitantly took a sip before recoiling in revulsion.

She looked at me with a mix of anger/disgust/confusion on her face, and said, "What the [bleep] is this? How much honey is in here?!"

With barely concealed glee, I looked her dead in the eye and said, "Oh, that's how brown people like it."

She said nothing. I was not asked to make a coffee run again.

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20. Don't want to talk to me in private? I'll air your dirty laundry in public

So I have worked in IT most of my life. One day it was slow so the manager asked me to check the firewall logs for anything suspicious. Pretty soon I find indications of a female staff member accessing some racy content of an adult nature.

This staff member had a reputation for blaming her slow productivity on her computer/network/mouse etc. so she was given no quarter.

I go up to the large office where she was, surrounded by many other staff members but her monitors are facing a wall and only she can see them. I politely as to speak to her in private for a moment in a meeting room.

Her response: "No, I don't have time, I'm too busy."

Again I quietly said it would be in her best interest to have this conversation discreetly.

Her: " Look! Stop wasting my time and say what you need to say."

I pause, clear my throat, and say loud and clear, " OK the IT manager has asked that you stop watching adult content on your work computer."

There's a moment of stunned silence where the staff member turns beet red and everyone stares at her including her manager.

Me, "Okay, see you later."

And I turned and left the office.

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19. Oh, I've been 'randomly selected'?

This happened about 3 years ago while going through an airport in the U.S.

I walked through the metal detector, something must have beeped and they needed to pat me down. After a thorough pat down, I put my shoes on and started to walk over to grab my bag. A TSA agent stops me and says "you've been randomly selected please step into the body scanner."

I was polite, but said that I really didn't want to get into the body scanner, and asked if there was another way. The agent said that I could get a pat down. I said well I just got a pat down so... They angrily told me to pick an option!

So, I took two steps backwards, to the woman who had patted me down 30 seconds ago and spread em... again. While she was patting me down I asked her if she found anything new. She stared daggers at me but let me go.

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18. Want my test answers? I'll erase all yours first

This just happened today at school, so it’s still fresh in my mind.

We were in algebra and we were taking a test. The teacher was out of the classroom for a bit, and someone asked me for the answers. Now I had secretly hated this kid for almost a year because he had destroyed my $210 phone and only payed me back $20 and said “hopefully this will be enough for a screen protector.”

So anyways it turned out he had skipped a question, so he accidentally had about 75% of the questions answered in the wrong box, making them all wrong. He asked me to erase them for him so he could copy my answers because his arm hurt. I was just about done with mine, so I finished it and erased his, but instead of giving him my answers, I turned my paper in. He now had 5-10 minutes to answer about 30 questions.

The teacher then walked back in while he was pleading with me and asked what was going on. I told him that David was trying to copy my answers. No regrets.


17. Just want me to do my job? I'll do exactly that

I was an employee who always turned up to work early as I hate being late and just got on with work as soon as I arrived which was usually 30 minutes before my shift, never took a lunch break, instead just eating at my desk and working as I was busy all the time. I would often stay late to get the days work done otherwise it snowballs into the following day and I can never catch up. I also did a lot of things for people that wasn't technically my job but I often knew more about the query than the department that was supposed to deal with it.

One day, I was stuck in traffic due to an accident and called ahead to let them know I was going to be 5-10 minutes late. I got there about 5 minutes late and promptly got on with the already surmountable amount of work. Later that morning I was called into the managers office and dressed down as I didn't come and apologize personally for being late. I explained that I called ahead and I'm always in early unless it's out of my control and never take a lunch break. This didn't matter as that was my choice and I'm expected to be there on time and just do my job.

So that's exactly what I did. Anything that wasn't my job I asked them to contact the relevant department as I couldn't help, I sat at my desk and didn't log on until my start time, took my lunch and left on time. This caused a lot of issues as everyone knew to call me any time during working hours for urgent things. Within a week managers were having a go at me as they were having to take calls during their lunch and I had made this issue as I was 'too helpful' and now I'm being petty because I got told off.

I was looking for another job anyway but this made me realize I was just a number to the company.

Within a month I had another job. Last I heard there were 5 of them doing my old job plus a supervisor. From a company where you were expected to be grateful for a $500 pay raise every other year this must have put a huge dent in their budget.

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16. Want a full accounting of my time? Let's see how much of it you waste

My boss is a lunatic who will often, without prompting, flip out and accuse me of wasting time.

(I literally do the work of five people -- I run the office and the other employees, do invoicing, accounting, tech support, admin stuff, etc. but also graphic design, photography, website design, videography, content creation, and social media among others. I am dead by the end of every day, which is usually 12 hours long.)

This flip-out happens meanwhile he's constantly interrupting me for stupid stuff instead of letting me work. He has no self awareness of this no matter how many times I try to point it out to him, and if something doesn't get done, he again loses it and accuses me of wasting time.

A few months ago, he demanded a full accounting of my time. This was after he interrupted me repeatedly for discussions about frivolous topics, and I was at the end of my freaking rope.

So: here is an excerpt of the 'Full Accounting Of My Time', as he requested.

11:45 - 12:20

  • Editing and working on hype video, including organizing, trimming, melding clips.

12:20 - 12:55

  • You stopped me for religious discussion, reading several Biblical parables aloud and explaining them.

1:00 - 1:22

  • Video editing, arranging clips in preparation for music and special effects.

1:22 - 1:54

  • You stopped me to show several lengthy Grant Cardone videos because "they annoyed you".

1:54 - 2:29

  • Video editing, transferring files to HD for compilation.

2:29 - 2:40

  • You stopped me to have me watch a YouTube video of a duck.

In total, he took up 3 hours and 28 minutes of my day.

He's mostly shut up about my "time-wasting".

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15. Want make a big deal over 9 cents? Game on

This happened in 1999, which is important because consumer cell phone use was pretty new at the time.

I was a college student and had just gotten my first cell phone, and as a result, didn't need a phone in my dorm room. The school had a small department that managed in-dorm phone service and you were automatically given an account, but if you cancelled during the first few weeks of school, you weren't billed for those weeks (or for future weeks, obviously). Okay, great: I didn't need a landline, so, on my first or second day on campus, I canceled the service. I expected no bill.

But there was a wrinkle. I had an on-campus job and arrived at school a few weeks before classes started. The billing software saw that I had a day of phone service and should have erased it, but it wasn't designed properly -- it only erased service from the first few weeks of school, not the weeks before classes began. I was billed about $3 for a day or two of phone service I never signed up for.

When I got the bill, I went to the phone department office to explain, and they said no problem, they'd look into it. And surprise, surprise, they were able to remove the $3 charge. A month later, I get a new bill in the mail, showing a balance of $3 and a credit of $3 -- and a late fee of $0.09 for failing to pay the $3 on time.

I went back to the phone department and they basically told me that they don't know how to fix it and that I should just pay the nine-cent fine, and that if I didn't, it would automatically get kicked over to a collections agency and screw up my credit rating. I said that's ridiculous and they agreed but couldn't fix it. And then someone there, jokingly, said something about a payment plan.

The phone department, being part of the university, wanted to keep students out of hock, so they allowed you to pay your unpaid phone bills over time. This was intended for the stupid freshman who made hours-long long distance calls to his high school girlfriend, not realizing it was like $4/minute, but in theory, it applied to my situation, too. You could agree to pay any outstanding debt over the remaining months of the school year, which in my case meant $0.01 per month for nine months. I asked them to sign me up.

For the next nine months, they sent me a one-cent bill, which, by rule, I had to go to the phone office to pay within 10 days. I did, and they'd give me a receipt, which I asked them to mail. In total, they sent me 20 letters -- nine bills, nine receipts, plus the original bill and the one with the late free in it. At the $0.30 or so in postage that they had to pick up, it cost them at least $6 to get my nine cents.

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14. Coffee isn't part of my free breakfast? In that case...

The company I work for is going on a bit of a hiring spree, and that means lots of interviews. Because many of those applying still have jobs, we sometimes do interviews very early or very late in the day. This was one of these days.

When this happens, the company will provide breakfast from the local coffee shop for those coming in early to interview. This is a nice little perk, and today is the first opportunity I've had to take advantage of it. Being the sort of person I am, I made a fairly minimal order of a cheese pastry and a latte. I wasn't particularly interested in wasting the company's money on a nice breakfast.

Shortly after I emailed my order, I was returned an email that said they were only providing food, not drinks, for breakfast, citing price savings and the fact that the office has a coffee machine. This was a bit irritating as I had made an order that was below the average cost of a breakfast item at the shop.

So I replied, asking in that case to change my order.

I found by far the most expensive item on their breakfast menu, but I did absolutely make sure there was no doubt this item was in the breakfast section. It is, after all, a bagel. With cream cheese. And a scrambled egg. And a fried egg. And four different types of cheese. And ham, sausage, steak and bacon. And avocado, spinach and tomato. But a bagel nonetheless.

My order was accepted.

It was inedible. Well, inedible as a bagel. I poured it all out onto a plate and ate it with a knife and fork. Half for breakfast and half for lunch.

Oh, and it cost 4 times what my original order cost, which was rejected because I wanted a cup of coffee.

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13. Won't deposit my check? Let's do it the hard way

So this was a few years ago. My crappy bank at the time had a policy about check deposits; over a certain amount (maybe $500) they held them for "24 hours."

Well, I got paid on Friday by check. It was a small employer that didn't offer direct deposit. So every two weeks I went to the bank after work. The tellers were still working but apparently the processing day was over. So my "24 hours" didn't start until Monday and my money would finally be available Tuesday sometime.

This was super frustrating. Especially when rent was due Saturday or Sunday.

But the bank's policy allowed them to cash any check for customers as long as they had at least as much in their total accounts, which I did in savings.

So this became my routine. Get paid. Go to the back. Have them cash out my check down to the penny and then immediately deposit the cash except for maybe 40 bucks.

As you can imagine, this took the teller noticeably longer than simply depositing my check, but hey, policy is policy, right?


12. You want to pay more? Go riiiiiight ahead

I used to work retail a few years back and there were always customers putting tickets where they didn't belong or putting reduced stickers on other items that they weren't for. We were trained to identify when something was wrong and educate the customer on correctly reading tickets to prevent loss.

I was serving a very thin, rude woman buying a lot of fruit and vegetables, when I see her opening her pre packaged mushrooms and putting them into a paper bag that are used for the loose ones. This was certainly not allowed by policy.

Me: Excuse me, I'm still going to have to scan that barcode, I can't put those in by weight, because they're supposed to be prepackaged.

Her: I see other people do this all the time! Just put it in. Isn't the customer always right?

Me: But ma'am, that's unfair to every person doing the right thing. I can't put it in by weight.

Her: Do it, or I'll call your manager and we'll see what they say.

Knowing the manager would just side with her anyway, I relented and put the mushrooms through the scales. $4.28. That was a little high, I thought. While she was packing, I scanned the mushroom barcode and took it back off to see what the actual price was. $2.99. Okay. Lady paid extra because she wanted me to bend the rules for her. I did. I didn't tell her about it. She paid and left all smug. Good for her.

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11. You want me to call you? Give me one second

A few years ago, I went to the doctor's to make an appointment (I had to go to the pharmacy next to it so thought I'd pop in instead of calling).

Receptionist tells me they cant take walk ins (I didn't want an appointment then anyway), and can only take bookings over the phone.

So I stood at reception, got my phone out and called the number for the phone right next to her. I made eye contact with her, the whole time, as she answered the phone, and booked me in.


10. You want to meet my dad? You got it

So my friend Talon's dad died about 5 years ago. They got him cremated, so Talon has an urn with his dad's ashes in it.

One of our teachers was mad at Talon about something (I'm not sure what) but the teacher demanded to meet Talon's father. He tried multiple times to tell our teacher that his dad, was in fact dead. But Mr. McStupid wouldn't listen to him. He didn't give the kid an opportunity to explain. He just kept interrupting and sent him out.

So the next day, Talon shows up to school with his dads urn and plops it on the teachers desk and says, "You wanted to meet my dad, so here."

I have never seen a teacher so mortified in my life.

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9. I can edit your photos however I want? Enjoy this

I’m not a professional photographer, but I do have decent equipment and portfolio so a lot of friends will hit me up for discounted photo shoots. Most of them pay or at least buy me dinner, but others expect me to do it for free...

I’m close with my ex-boyfriend’s family so I was thrilled when his younger sister asked me to come to her prom pictures earlier this month, until she told me to bring the camera. I did mention to her that I’m doing online school and I have an exam due that week so the pictures might not be ready for another week. She was fine with that.

Within two hours of taking pictures of half a dozen high-school students, I ended up with 300+ shots because everyone wanted the perfect Instagram shot. Whatever, I can go home, study, and slowly work on sorting through the pictures later. They’re not paying me so I wasn’t exactly motivated either.

I get a text from her and her mom that night at around 11pm, they want the pictures edited AND uploaded by the next morning so they could be shown off on social media. I tried to explain that I’m studying but they weren’t having it. They said, “We don’t care how you edit it, just make it look nice.”


I spent the next 3+ hours working on the pictures and editing them really nicely that even I was proud of....then I hid Shrek into the background of every single picture. Shrek with his head poking out between the kids, Shrek posing happily, Shrek had a very nice time at prom evidently. I uploaded the pics and sent them off, no one noticed the extra guest for weeks and I got my ear chewed out because my ex’s sister didn’t appreciate her 900 followers on Instagram seeing Shrek grinning between her and her boyfriend.

They asked me to edit however I wanted, so I delivered. Shrek was one of my best clients I’ve ever had.

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8. You want me to speak in public? I'm bringing my dog

I train search and rescue/human remains detection dogs, which basically means we wander around disaster sites, crime scenes, and wilderness area searches looking for bodies or other remains, to put it very simply.

This story is a couple of years back. When I was in college, I was required to take a public speaking course. I have stage fright and social anxiety, so this was basically torture. My instructor was pretty jaded, and didn't much care that I was having a panic attack on stage. She suggested I talk about something I'm more comfortable with, and to toughen up.

The final was supposed to be a demonstrative and informative presentation, and 30 minutes long.


My dogs have clearance by campus police to train on the university grounds, and I have clearance from city and county police to bring bio waste materials with me throughout the county. I prepare a fancy Powerpoint presentation, and bring in my big, crazy cadaver dog and scent samples, including a human toe, blood, and bones. I spend half an hour showing how to train a dog to detect human corpses, along with a few vivid anecdotes about some of my past searches. We even let some members of the audience come handle my dog and give clicker training a try (audience involvement in the demonstration was required).

I got an A, but the mildly horrified look on my professor's face was far more rewarding.

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7. Won't let us pee? We'll be returning our purchases

Virtually all restrooms in downtown Denver require a purchase to use the bathroom. Not a big deal to me, and I have no problem abiding by that rule.

Yesterday I took the wife and kids downtown to shop around and eat dinner. We stopped in a little store where my wife bought a purse for just under $200. We left and about 30 minutes later my daughter needed to use the restroom. We happened to be close to the same store, so we went into there to the same employee who rang us up to ask to use the restroom.

She said we'd have to make a purchase. I had my receipt and showed I did make a purchase, she was the one who rang us up. She argued that we'd have to make a purchase again now to be considered customers to use the restroom.

My daughter was struggling, so I grabbed a chapstick off the counter and bought that, while the employee gave me attitude like she just pulled one over on me. She gave me the pass code, and my wife handed me her new purse and went to the restroom with our daughter.

The moment she closed the door I turned back to the cashier and demanded a refund on both the chapstick and the purse. She argued that I couldn't do that, but I pointed to her sign saying there is a seven day return policy, no questions asked. Took a picture of it with my phone and asked if she wanted to process the refund, or I'll just have Visa do a charge back and get my money that way.

She silently processed the returns just as my girls returned. She tried to say something to my wife about me returning the purse, and my wife replied after her attitude, she didn't want it anymore anyways.

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6. Don't want me to take my insulin? Here you go

I'm a Type 1 diabetic, and I have an insulin pump. When I was in 6th grade my pump was wired, ie it had a tube that went from the pump, which looked a bit like a cell phone, to me. So, I have to take insulin after I eat and I had pretty explicitly told all of my teachers that I was diabetic, but this teacher was a bit thick and a stickler for the rules.

My class had just gotten back to class after lunch and we were reading a book out loud. My pump beeped to remind me to take insulin after lunch, and I noticed Teacher give me a bit of a dirty look, but I ignored it and whipped out my pump to deliver insulin.

Teacher: Stop texting in class! You know the rules. Please bring your "phone" to the front and report to detention.

I was about to protest, but realized this would be an excellent opportunity for some MC.

So, with a smug grin on my face, I walk up to the teacher with my pump in my hand, and it still LITERALLY attached to me, I hand her my pump.

Teacher: What's this cord? Why do you have a chain for your cell phone.

Me (deadpan stare): I'm a diabetic, and this is my insulin pump.

At this point, her face goes sheet white, and I unclip my pump from my body (a bit of a maneuver because it was on my arm and slightly difficult to reach) and walk out of the class before she can say anything and go directly to detention. When I arrive I tell the detention officer I was sent for using electronics in class. Before I even finish, a student from my class walks in and says I can come back to class, and the teacher apologies profusely and never messes with me for beeping or using any device.

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5. You don't want me to save you $300? Okay then...

So I work as a long-term care (LTC) biller. I do pharmacy billing for nursing homes and assisted living facilities. So any meds they get, I bill. My company is contracted with LTC facilities, we provide medications to people in LTC.

I’ve been working in LTC for 16 years. The company I work for does something that is absolutely unheard of in pharmacy billing... they care about their patients. So, if your insurance drops a copay of $20, but the “at cost” price is only $5, we charge you the $5. We give you the lower price. This is really rare in my field. Most pharmacies are out to screw everyone. My company actually gives you the better deal.

This caller (Karen) didn’t get that.

Karen: Hi, I’d like to talk about my mom’s bill. You didn’t run this through my mom’s insurance!

Me: Let me check this out. Yes, we saw that your copay was actually higher than the “at cost” rate, so we dropped the charge down, so it’s cheaper for you.

Karen: I pay for insurance and I expect insurance prices!

Me: Of course, but when we can charge you the lesser price, we do that, we try to—

Karen: IDGAF about YOUR prices. I want it ran through the insurance! For tax purposes!

Me: Regardless of that, we can send you an itemized tax paper, to show what you paid. We just are trying to give you the lower--


Me: We did, but our “at cost” gives you a lower price, so we charged you the lower price.


Me: Your bill is $75. If I bill your insurance, they will raise your bill.


Me: Yes, ma’am.

I rebill the account. Her bill goes from $75 to $396.

She gets her new bill a week later. Calls back. Loses her mind, of course. My boss backed me and told her that since it’s been over 30 days since the meds were dispensed, we can’t reverse the claims. She’s stuck with the bill. Bottom line: if someone tells you they are giving you the best deal, take it.

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4. Want to punish me for me hair? I'll make you dye yours

A couple years ago, I worked retail in a store geared towards children. A very.... magical store. Lots of princesses, superheroes....rodents. You get the picture. Our store had about 25 female employees (including all of management) and 3 male employees.

The dress code was incredibly strict. We had a uniform that had to be ironed all the time, no visible tattoos, only natural hair colors, women were encouraged to wear make up and style their hair, men were either to be clean shaven or have fully grown in facial hair.

For some reason, one particular manager was intent on nitpicking me regarding the dresscode, even when I was in complete compliance of it. I was constantly told that I needed to iron it better, so I started getting it dry cleaned and somehow that still wasn't enough.

I wore very minimal makeup and she constantly told me I should wear more (though she couldn't make me). Hair bows were a big thing at the store and people made and gave as presents custom ones highlighting characters. They weren't exactly against dress code, but they did push the limits. Regardless, this particular manager seemingly only had an issue with them when I wore them. Once, she got down on her hands and knees with a ruler to prove my pant hem was too long only to be proven wrong. There were also some conversations about my appearance that looking back were definitely body shaming.

As a side note, this particular manager was a natural brunette but she dyed her hair black and bleached a portion of the hair underneath so that it would show. 

I got the itch to dye my hair. However, with the dress code, only natural hair colors were allowed, so I came up with a compromise: silver. I went and had my hair professionally lightened and dyed silver.

The next day I worked, the district and regional managers were visiting the store. I was always picked to work those days because I had the best "stage presence" and knowledge of the company and those two were always impressed by me.

When I showed up to work that day with my new shiny silver hair, my store managers were appalled. They wanted to send me home immediately, and for whatever reason they decided to talk to me in front of the higher ups. This is a paraphrasing of the convo:

"You're in major violation of the dress code."

"How so?"

"Your hair isn't a natural color."

"Yes it is, grey is a natural color."

"But you aren't grey yet."


"So it looks unnatural to be all grey."

"Are you saying that we can't dye our hair at all if its not a color that would grow out of our heads naturally at this moment?"

"No, you can dye your hair, it just cant be obviously fake. It needs to look real."

I pointed at the manager who was constantly on me. " Your hair is half black and half bleach blonde. I feel like that looks more unnatural than my grey hair"

I turned two the higher ups and asked if I was in violation. They agreed with me that I was not.

In the end, I got to keep my silver hair and my manager was told that HER hair actually was a dress code violation and she had to dye it before coming in the next day.

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3. Force a kid with cancer to take the exam? Okay, this is the exam

So this happened years ago when I was in high school, but I smile every time I think of it.

My high school had a policy that anyone who has missed less than a certain number of school days could pick one class they had an 'A' in to skip the final exam. You could get a couple extra days for college visits, but otherwise it was very straightforward. Awesome policy, and we all loved it.

One year, we had this kid who had been diagnosed with cancer. He spent a lot of his year sick, getting treatment, going to the hospital, running to the bathroom to throw up, etc. Despite all this he finished the year with an 'A' in his Spanish class. It was the only final he would have been able to skip, which he wanted to do because he was very ill. But administration was not going to let him skip the final because he had missed too much school.

He and his parents asked them to make an exception, given the situation, but administration wouldn't budge. His teacher stood up for him, but was told this kid had to take the final exam no matter what. He had missed too many days and there would be no exception.

The teacher said okay, but told her class not to study for or worry about her exam. Then, when all her students showed up for the final, she told them to take out a piece of paper and number it 1-3 leaving one line in between each number. She then asked three questions along the lines of, "What is your name?" "How do you say yes in Spanish?" and "How do you say hello in Spanish?" Then she collected the final.

Everyone got an 100 that year, and she became a legend. The kid has been cancer free for over five years now.

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2. You want me to follow my contract? I'll follow it to the letter

This happened some years ago when I had just gotten hired for a part time position in a retail store.

All was good until the summer got close and he offered me full time for the summer ended which I gladly took. Less than two weeks in to the summer he changed my hours back to part time. I hadn't thought about getting the temporary full time thing in writing as he seemed like a trustworthy guy.

It made no sense as I did a good job and helped out with things my contract didn't mention when I had the time as I get bored quickly. I found out that even though he have years of experience in the field he had massively over spent on the wage bill and had to cut down to avoid getting fired by the head office.

When I voiced my concern over this his only response "I'm only obliged to give you 20 hour a week, as the contract state".

I wanted to chew him out verbally but I kept my cool and decided that if he wanted to play that game I would too. When I got home that night I read my entire contract and noted the clauses that I could use.

One clause stated that my responsibilities was unloading the trucks, take care of the stock room and keep the shelfs stocked.

Another mentioned that I shouldn't do other tasks as their insurance only covered me for the specific areas I was meant to work .

Next day he told me to help out the cashiers as the lines were long.

"Sorry, can't do. As the contract states that isn't part of my job here and I should refrain from doing that. You can find it in my contract as clause 9a and 9b"

He was fuming, face totally red and he just walked away without saying shit.

Another thing I had noticed in my contract is that besides my 30 min lunch break I had a 10 minute break I could take when I wanted so I gave him 5 minutes, walked into his office and told him I was taking my 10 minute break.

"What are you talking about? You only have one break and that's for lunch".

"My contract says otherwise. It's in clause 10."

When I got back from the break he asked me to clean something up out in the store. I couldn't believe that he couldn't take a hint.

"Sorry, can't do. Clause 9a & 9b prevents me from doing it".

Next day a costumer asked for help with something. "Sorry, can't do. It's not my job. Find someone else". My boss heard about this and yelled at me but I managed to stay calm and answered with the clauses that prevented me from helping the costumer. Legally I was in the right and he couldn't do shit but I could see the hatred in his eyes.

I was still on a trial period which meant he could fire me with only 24 hours notice but I could also resign with only 24 hours notice.

I knew that once the summer ended and everyone were back from from their vacations he would fire me right away. I had started looking for other jobs and it was going all right so I decided to quit at the worst time possible when it showed itself.

At the last week of summer he had to fire one with suspend another for stealing from the store. It was the perfect time to quit and leave him badly undermanned for the week.

24 hours and 1 minutes before my next shift I sent him my resignation before I sent a message to my coworkers about how they should remember to take all their breaks and not violate their contract by doing stuff they aren't allowed to do.

I heard it gave him a little chaos when people followed my advice.

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1. You want to have a meeting? You're not gonna like it

For the past few years our business has been receiving telemarketing calls from an offshore call center trying to make appointments for "Optus Business Centre". Every time they call, we'd politely tell them we were not interested and ask them to remove us from their list and they'd promise not to call again.

You can probably tell by my use of the words "every time" that having ourselves removed from the list didn't work. It didn't work the first time, and it didn't work the 50th time. Offshores are cheap, and get paid per appointment. So they would get quite aggressive. It was clear that a new strategy needed to be found as it was taking too long to get them to bugger off.

So began my campaign of malicious compliance/petty revenge...

"Hi we're calling from Optus business centre and we can save you 40% on your mobile phone bill! Can we come and see you tomorrow at 11am?"

You can save me 40% of my mobile bill? That's like sixty grand a month!

"What? How many phones do you have?"

150 or so that I'm responsible for directly, plus a few others..

The appointment is quickly confirmed. The next day a salesman calls me up he's running early - can we meet earlier. I refused. Our appointment is for 11am after all.

11am rolls around and in he walks - we sit down in reception and go through the greetings. I then ask him if it's possible to make the telemarketing calls stop now. He assures me that it is, and so I stand up, shake his hand and thank him for coming in.

What? That's it? You could have said that over the phone!

I point out that we did. Many times, and it didn't work - and I hoped that this waste of his time would perhaps teach him to mend his ways.

Over the past 2 years they have sent out 5 different reps to see us. They call for meetings - we accept them, shine them on about the value of the account and they roll in to be greeted by me dressed in a chicken suit; made to wait in our meeting room for 20 minutes before being asked to be removed from the list; being turned away at the door (they sent two reps that time).

I'm posting this today because it was visit number 6 and it was the best yet. We got a repeat customer! I sat him down in the meeting room and played the video recording of our last meeting.

Is that you ?

Yes! It's me! Didn't I follow up? Did we have a good meeting?

I point out that I certainly enjoyed our last meeting, and zoomed forward in the video to the part where I explained that we didn't have 500 mobile accounts - and he needed to please remove us from their list and you could see his heart break. Which it did again, once he realized that whatever account he thought was being discussed today was not going to be discussed. Which we also have on video, so we can go all Inception if/when he shows his face again.

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